Many times I talk to people who ask the questions: “Why can’t I find a good man/woman?” ” Why do I keep making the same mistakes in my relationships?”

When you are in between relationships, there is much introspective work to do. Without taking the time time to look at yourself, you are often in the position of repeating the same patterns over and over again.

1. Get very clear about who you want for your life partner. It is helpful to write an actual list. Because of the way the Law of Attraction works, you want to make sure you record the traits, qualities and characteristics of the person you want to attract into your life. Be very careful you aren’t recording the things you don’t want. Whenever you focus on things you don’t want, the Universe actually brings you more of the same, which explains why some of the same patterns are repeated over and over again.

Think about physical, intellectual, emotional, financial, relationship and spiritual characteristics you want in your soulmate. Divide your list into three categories. One is non-negotiables you won’t live without. Another is important characteristics you definitely want in your soulmate and third are those “nice to have” items. They would be nice to have but you would be willing to compromise on them.

2. Take a close look in the mirror, asking the question, “Am I being the person who would attract my desired soulmate into my life”? Often you know what you want in your life but don’t take the time to determine if you are the person your soulmate would be attracted to. You may be seeking someone trustworthy but you are seeing other people behind his or her back. You may want someone mature who doesn’t bring a lot of drama, yet you have drama all around you.

3. Dig deeper into your subconscious awareness. On the outside, you may appear to be the person who will attract your soulmate, however, when you look deeper you realize you have some subconscious beliefs that prevent you from connecting with the person of your dreams. You may believe that deep down at your base level, there is something wrong with you and you don’t deserve to be happy in a relationship. Perhaps someone you care deeply for doesn’t have a happy relationship in their life and you don’t want them to feel bad if you find one for yourself. You may believe you will lose yourself in a relationship. You may think if you open yourself up to real love, you will do something to ruin it and have to suffer the pain of it ending.

There may be many of these subconscious beliefs that get in the way of you manifesting the person you want in your life. One way to access that subconscious information is to ask the question, “What would I have to give up to have the relationship I want”? Allow yourself to ponder this question while going deeper into your subconscious for the answer. As long as the information remains subconscious, you can’t counterbalance it with helpful beliefs. It must be brought into the light.

The fourth step of this process is to honestly and accurately evaluate whether your actions, thoughts, and feelings are consistent with attracting the soulmate you want. If your answer is yes, then you can proceed to Step Five. If your answer is no, then move to Step Four.

4. Reinvent yourself. Make a plan and following it about what you need to change to become the person your soulmate will choose to share his or her life with. This can involve changing things you do as well as the harmful things you think.

5. Believe it is going to happen. Once you have done the work to get clear about what you want and then transformed yourself into the person who will attract that person, simply rest in the knowledge that it’s just a matter of time. Your soulmate is on his or way into your life. Know that you are perfectly content and complete while you are patiently waiting.

Remember, while you wait, your soulmate may be doing his or her own assessment and evaluation of whether he or she can attract you.

Author Bio: Kim Olver is a life coach and public speaker. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. Sign up for Kim’s newsletter and receive a free chapter of her forthcoming book, Secrets of Successful Couples.

Category: Relationships
Keywords: relationships, soulmate, relationship advice, relationship help, relationship patterns