Are you a parent? A teacher? A supervisor? Do you ever struggle with how to handle discipline problems in others? Then, read on. . .

Punishment and discipline have often been interchanged however their meanings couldn’t be more different. The Latin root of punishment means “to inflict pain,” while the Latin root of discipline means “to teach.”

I know there are some people who believe the only way to teach is by inflicting pain but the work of cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, should dispel that myth forever. When studying cells, Dr. Lipton teaches us that cells can only be one of two positions-protection or growth. If a cell is in protection mode it cannot grow. Fear is not a good teacher. Fear can gain compliance but it will never raise a person’s consciousness, develop better decision-making skills or inspire someone to produce quality work. A person who is afraid has only one agenda-eliminate or avoid the threat. Stop the pain.

The idea in discipline is to teach and that can’t be done effectively with fear. The proper teaching environment is supportive, encouraging and challenging. It is not critical, blame-filled or painful. If your goal is to teach, then you must adapt the appropriate mindset. The idea is to take what a person does, see it as their best attempt to get something they want, and help them figure out a more effective and responsible way to get it.

But don’t people need consequences to help them learn? Shouldn’t there be a punishment for breaking rules? Let’s look at that. Yes, there should be consequences for creating unsafe situations. The consequence would be a person’s freedom would be restricted until he/she learned the effective behaviors to manage that freedom. So, if a child is throwing food in the cafeteria, perhaps he/she would have to eat in the classroom with the teacher until he/she develops the self-control to eat with other children without throwing food. But, you wouldn’t kick him off the football team or give him detention..

When people are being unsafe, they lose the privilege of being with the group. If someone brings a weapon to school, he or she is suspended and not permitted to attend school, usually for a year. Hold no illusion that the suspension will teach that child anything. The suspension is not designed to teach; it is only designed to keep others safe.

In a work environment, when someone creates unsafe situations, they are typically written up with a warning and if their behavior continues, then they are often fired. In the community, when people are being unsafe, they may be hospitalized or jailed. I don’t call this discipline or punishment. It is a consequence of the unsafe behavior, designed to protect others from being exposed to that behavior.

If your goal is to discipline or to teach self-discipline, then let’s look at the best teacher there is, natural consequences. Every action any of us takes produces consequences. Some are positive, some negative and some simply neutral. If you don’t wear a coat when it is cold outside, you will be cold, a natural consequence. If you catch your child outside without a coat and you forbid them from being outside, then that is an imposed consequence. There is nothing natural about that.

If a child doesn’t study for the test, then the natural consequence is often a failing grade. That’s a natural consequence. What if the child doesn’t study and still gets a good grade? That’s also a natural consequence. It’s a consequence of already knowing the material. Do you think the person should be disciplined for not studying, even though the grade earned was good? What would be the lesson in that?

The best way I know to help people develop positive self-discipline is to first have a caring, respectful relationship with him or her. When people know you care about their well-being, then they aren’t afraid and their soul (and cells) can be open for growth.

Then teach the child to choose behavior that is in line with their goals and the person he or she wants to be. Help them to understand the difference between short-term pleasure and long-term happiness. Connect the things you want the person to do with something they genuinely want. Trust them to make good decisions in the future.

The consequence for misbehavior is a conversation-a conversation designed to teach people a more effective and responsible ways to get what they want in the situation without hurting themselves or others. That conversation is still an imposed consequence but it comes from a caring place and an educational mindset.

Author Bio: Kim Olver is an approved senior faculty member with the William Glasser Institute. In that role, she can bring Choice Theory to your school for a teacher in-service day or days and can start a select group of 16 faculty through the certification program. For more information, go to www.choicetheorycentral.com get on our mailing list and receive a free ebook.

Category: Self Help
Keywords: choice theory, reality therapy, william glasser, discipline, teacher discipline