As men and women live longer and longer, there are going to be an increasing number of marriages among couples where one or both have a spouse who died. Marrying a widow or widower is not the same as marrying someone whose previous marriage ended in divorce. You may need to deal with issues like grieving, family situations, and the fact that the person still has love for their deceased spouse. These are some helpful tips on marrying a widow or widower.

First and foremost, when marrying a widower, it is important to realize that he may still love his wife. That does not mean that his love for you is not genuine, but it is still important to realize that in some cases, there may always be a third person in your marriage – the deceased spouse. This is one of the things which is so different about marrying a widower versus a person who was divorced, and it can be hard to deal with at times. On the one hand, it shows that the person has the capacity for great love and devotion, but on the other hand, the new spouse does not deserve to be treated like a second choice. Striking a balance is key.

When marrying a person, you also marry their stuff. In the case of a widow or widower, you might also be marrying their dead spouse’s belongings too. This can be a very delicate situation. To insist that all of the possessions of the widower’s first wife be banished from the house might feel too much to him like you are trying to erase his memories of her. That is insensitive and can cause a real rift, not just in the marriage, but also with his family. At the same time, the new wife should not feel like she necessarily use all of the deceased wife’s possessions, even if there are quite a few around. Your husband may not have the reaction you had hoped if he comes home to find you wearing a pair of his first wife’s pearl earrings. This is especially true if the pearl earrings (or brooch, or silver compact) were romantic gifts that he gave to her.

While it is important for the wife of a widower to avoid both extremes: trying to get rid of all of the former wife’s belongings or taking them as her own, her feelings also should be respected. No one should be forced to live in a home filled with wedding photos of a first wife. It is up to the widower to strike a balance, and to be sure that the memories of his deceased wife are not taking up so much space in his home and heart that there is no room for the new wife. To have a photo album of old wedding pictures on a bookshelf is one thing, but to keep up all the old pictures on the wall is something else.

Family relations can be tricky when marrying someone who lost a spouse, particularly if they had children together. There is a natural tendency to fear that the new wife will push out the memory of mom, and it is up to the new wife to ally those fears in her husband’s children, whether they are young or adults. Showing respect for their mother’s memory – for instance, understanding the desire of the family to commemorate her birthday or visit her final resting place on occasion – will go a long way towards getting your new step-children to feel comfortable with your position in their dad’s life.

Finally, the best way to move forward is to keep your life with your new spouse focused on the present and the future, rather than the past. Take up new hobbies that belong to just the two of you, visit new and exciting destinations that neither of you have ever seen before. With a love of life and a focus on building something new together, the memories of a widow or widower’s first wife can become respected, but not intrusive.

Author Bio: Bridget Mora writes for Silverland Jewelry about weddings, relationships, and etiquette. You will love the handcrafted pearl earrings, necklaces, and bracelets at http://silverlandjewelry.com/. Visit today and receive complimentary shipping of your jewelry order over $99.

Category: Marriage
Keywords: pearl earrings, second marriage, marrying widow, marrying widower