As humans, we are wired to take quick actions by instinct. We’ve often noticed it: Someone says something and we immediately have a snappy comeback. Someone cuts us off, and we want to shout at him or her for being crazy drivers. For every stimulus in our lives, there’s part of us that wants to immediately respond to it somehow.

This is part of how the self-sabotaging habits known as coping mechanisms come into being. Something that stresses us out seems to demand an immediate response, but we can’t give it one. For example, a major problem comes up that’s going to set back a project at work, and is going to demand much more time and effort than expected. We can’t necessarily take a break from it or solve the matter overnight, so we engage in a behavior that helps us let off short-term steam such as shouting or eating one of our comfort foods.

The interesting thing is that these kinds of behaviors actually work, in the very short-term. We do feel better when we fix our craving, have our primal scream therapy, or take a nice long drink of merlot. Our bodies have been trained by our habits to release endorphins at this time, so indulging in the behavior does make us feel good, temporarily.

The problem that arises in these cases is that these efforts are not solutions – they’re temporary patches or brush-ups on a much deeper problem. This is because all they do is address how we feel about the problem, and don’t do anything to correct the problem itself.

This leads into a self-defeating cycle that will only result in burning ourselves out. The problem comes up, and we engage in a coping mechanism we know makes us feel better. Then we go back to face the problem and find it isn’t any better, so we feel bad about our earlier indulgence. Now there are two things weighing on our minds, so we return to the release valve. It’s easy to see how this will pile up and begin perpetuating into a very destructive cycle, isn’t it?

Fortunately, we know by now that it only takes a few small, easy steps to break these bad habits and replace them with good ones. The effort will be great at first, but with consistency and practice, the self-defeating cycles can be overcome.

First, remember the STOP method, particularly steps S and T. Tell yourself “stop” aloud and take a slow, steadying series of breaths. If it’s not an emergency that’s imminently going to cause harm, you can afford a few moments to steady yourself. Think of a calming image, such as your favorite place or a loved one in whose presence you can feel relaxed and trusting. Use this image as a shield against your worries for the moment, to gain a sense of perspective.

With this accomplished, think critically for a moment about your coping mechanism. Think of the stressor that triggers the coping response, and ask yourself honestly if it helps address the stressor itself, and reduce its role in your life. If the answer is no, allow yourself to accept that for a few moments.

With the answer in mind, ask yourself a new question: What can I do instead? What’s a very different approach to this kind of activity?

Here’s an interesting fact: A lot of times we don’t try new things just because we didn’t think of them. But we have thinking minds and we can think at any time. We just let ourselves get into a habit and do things a certain way because we always have done so. Yet if we just stop and force ourselves to think around the matter a little more, new ideas will almost always come to mind. It may be a new trick to try, or it might be a person to ask for help that we hadn’t considered before.

At first, it will be natural to use this as a substitute coping mechanism, a response to stresses and stressors that arise in our lives. This is all right – it’s being used to push out a bad habit, and using it in the same role as that habit is a good foundation step. However, being proactive is much more effective than being reactive.

Once you have this “outside the box” approach down as an instinctive, habitual response to stressors that pop up, consider including it as a preemptive matter as well. Think about problems that might come to light before they do so, and how you might respond to them differently than you have in the past. Think of one new stressor you can apply this approach to every day, at the same time. Sticking to this time-based approach is part of the key to building a new habit.

Your own daily responses can have an effect on how you handle stress, and on how stress burdens you. The mind is a very powerful tool, but we often let it get choked and dulled by stressful pressures. Consider allowing yourself to relax and surprise yourself with a new, truly good idea that will break the cycle and set you free.

Author Bio: Larry Tobin is a co-creator of HabitChanger.com, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

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