Follow these important steps to have a fair fight with your significant other: acknowledge your negative emotions, allow each other time to cool down and think, express your grievances constructively, take turns listening, allow the moment’s issues to sink in, apologize, come up with a solution, and learn from the problem.

Everyone goes through times when they don’t see eye to eye with their partner. Even couples who are perfectly compatible get into arguments sometimes. Some disagreements may stem from small misunderstandings while others might be of more serious and complicated matters. The best advice anybody can give regarding relationships is to make sure that fair steps are taken to ensure all parties needs are met. Nobody really wants to fight with their significant other, but here are some steps that will help you to ensure that if you have to, you fight fair:

Validate all your feelings, good and bad:

Before even starting the conversation, admit that you might have some bad feelings towards each other. Be honest with yourself if you feel angry about your partner and their conduct. Accept your feelings of anger and pain. There’s trouble ahead if you act like you’re content when you’re really not.

Allow each other to cool down and think of what to say

If you’re both feeling unhappy, it’s easy to lash out and find fault with each other. It is important not to say things in the heat of the moment, so that you don’t end up saying something hurtful out of anger. This can be difficult in an emotionally charged situation. Pause for a while and allow each other time to cool down and think of what to say if you find it difficult to express your thoughts constructively.

Constructively express your grievances

You need to be able to communicate what you’re thinking about, along with your problems. Be honest with your partner and tell him or her what you really want to say, but in a tactful and constructive way. Hurtful and sarcastic comments will only aggravate a situation. Always remember to express yourself constructively. Bringing up long-resolved issues or past mistakes that are simply irrelevant to a current problem is definitely not the way to go. Remember that the fight is meant to be a medium for you to resolve your problems and not a way to get even or hurt your partner.

You should each take your turn listening

Remember that fair fighting is when you let the other person express thought and feelings, too. Ask your partner that he or she listens to you before you start to talk and that he/she does not argue his or her point right from the start. When it is your partner’s turn, do the same. Listen carefully to what he or she has to say and do not interrupt.

Really grasp the moment as well as the issues

Allow your spouse and yourself a moment of silence and let the issues sink in after you have explained your grievances. This lets both parties focus their attention on the issue before them while, at the same time, obtain control over their emotions. Depending on how ready you are to move on to the next step, this period can last hours or a few minutes.

Apologize and come up with a solution

Who launched the argument doesn’t matter. All that matters is that both sides acknowledge where they made errors and apologize for them. Being apologetic will allow both of you to mutually solve the conflict.

Learn the lessons you need to, but don’t dwell on it

Reconciliation should not end in an apology. Both you and your partner should learn from what happened and make it a point to leave it in the past. Do not dig up the problem after it has been resolved.

In relationships, fighting is natural and normal. It assists both people with improving their relationship and growing as individuals.

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Category: Relationships
Keywords: relationship advice, relationship tips, marriage advice, relationship trust, marriage tips