Whether to stay married or not after the affair is a very difficult decision to make. When you first learned that your spouse was or is having an affair, you now find yourself completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. The feelings of anger caused by hurt and deception from someone you loved with your whole heart and soul can be unbearable at times, so it’s only natural to want to escape from this nightmarish situation. Unfortunately, there is no magic answer to say is it right or wrong to get a divorce.

Most people would rather get a divorce than do the hard work of rebuilding trust and faith in a relationship after someone has gone astray. But acting in haste and jumping too quickly into divorce, without giving your marriage a fighting chance may not be the wisest course to take – and you may later regret not trying. Sad as it is, sometimes it takes a crisis to make people stronger. So given the choice, you should do everything possible to make your marriage work before you make the decision that it’s time to move on.

Aside from death, dealing with a marriage in crisis is the toughest marital trauma you’re likely to experience. And if you’re the cheated on spouse, you may feel like divorce is the only way out for you. But if your cheating spouse is willing and committed to rebuilding your relationship, there is a good chance that your marriage will survive after the affair. Since divorce is such a life-changing decision, working with an objective party such as a marriage counselor, may help you and your spouse work to make the best decision for your marriage. Understand that a marriage counselor can’t tell you whether to divorce or stay married, only you and your spouse can make that decision. But a good counselor can make you see and understand things about each other that you never saw before.

How do you make the decision to stay and work things out or just end it all? The answer to this question will depend partly on your cheating spouse. Ask yourself:

1) Is your spouse 100 percent committed and willing to do the difficult work needed to rebuild the marriage? The bottom line is that it takes two for a strong relationship to work out. One half of the relationship can’t make it work.

2) Has he or she broken all ties with the other person – that means that all other parties have to be out of the picture for good?

3) Has he or she expressed a desire to repair the relationship?

4) Is your spouse agreeably to couples counseling?

5) Has your spouse expressed true regret for his actions and acknowledged the deep pain he has caused you?

6) As the cheated on spouse, are you willing to put forth the effort to rebuild your marriage?

Getting answers to these questions will go a long way toward helping you make an informed decision about your marriage. If your spouse wouldn’t agree to counseling, it’s not the end of the road. There are other alternatives such as going through self-help relationship-building programs. You can find many reputable programs online or visit the resource mentioned at the end of this article.

Staying and working on your marriage after the affair requires patience, time, commitment and energy. Right now things may look bleak, but you can look at this experience as a stumbling block or a stepping stone. A stepping stone to a wonderful relationship you never thought possible.

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Category: Marriage
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