The most difficult lesson in how to control an out of control child is probably handling the public temper tantrum.

Tantrums are most often associated with toddlers and preschoolers, but when it comes to out of control children, tantrums can continue through the elementary grades and even beyond.

The tantrum itself may look different as a child grows, but the underlying concept doesn\’t change.

The child wants what he wants and he wants it now.

It may be a thing he wants. Or not. It could be an activity or even some sort of attention.

Very often, the trigger is simple. The word \”no\”.

A lot of families with an out of control child go underground. That is, they stop going out in public with the child for fear of a tantrum happening.

But is this how you want to live? Hiding away because you have a child who refuses to behave himself?

If you have a child who acts out in public, you need a new plan. One that removes the payoff the child is currently getting and provides a new payoff that is ultimately healthier for the child.

After that, it\’s time for practice.

Certainly before you have established your new plan, it just makes sense to avoid public scenes. Such drama is hard on everyone and doesn\’t solve anything either.

However, your child cannot remain cloistered forever. So step-by-step, here\’s a plan for moving forward and helping your child go from out of control to self-controlled.

– Take notes.

Your first job is to discover the payoff your child is receiving from tantrums. You will need to dig deep and take note of what appeases her each time she has a tantrum.

Usually this is not a straightforward task. It is often a psychological payoff that a child may or may not be aware of. Could be a very specific form of attention, or the thrill of watching Mom or Dad lose their cool. You\’ll know you\’ve found the payoff when you remove it and your child reacts differently during or after a tantrum.

Once you know the payoff you\’ll need to replace it with one that is healthier. For example, if your child has been using tantrums to wrestle attention away from a sibling, your job is twofold:

1. Do not give the payoff of attention when your child throws a tantrum.

2. Intentionally give your child the attention she is craving at specific times not associated with tantrums.

– Practice makes perfect.

It\’s a good idea to practice and perfect these ideas in the security of your own home before testing them in public. Once you have had some success at home, it\’s time to break the chains of public avoidance.

Again, formulate a clear plan for use in a public place. What are the words you will say to your child if a tantrum begins? What do you expect him to say to you? What is the series of actions that will take place? What are the consequences for working hard and doing a good job? For a meltdown?

Obviously this is giving your child quite a bit of focused attention. Make sure your attention is aimed towards a positive resolution of this challenge and not on tantrums! Use age appropriate language to clearly explain your expectations and make sure the main idea is that tantrums are a thing of the past and your child is going to practice new behaviors that will work better.

Don\’t be surprised if you need a couple of times to get this new set of behaviors working. Be sure and only practice with your child when he is well-rested and in a good mood. Don\’t try to change tantrum behavior at the end of a long day of shopping!

Out of control children need more than a lecture to turn their behavior around. They need guidance, leadership and solid action plans designed to show them that tantrums cause them trouble and there is a better way.

Self-control is a skill your child will never out grow.

Author Bio: Is your child dishing out too much drama? Let Colleen Langenfeld show you proven tips on parenting you can use right now at http://www.paintedgold.com . Get a free behavior log plus more key strategies of how to control out of control children starting today.

Category: Parenting
Keywords: out of control children,out of control child,how to control an out of control child