The term \’proactive\’ became fashionable a few years ago in the self-development world, and perhaps a bit over and misused. A good rule of thumb to understand its actual meaning is thinking about its opposite, \’reactive\’, as Stephen R. Covey defines it in \’The Seven Habits of the Highly Effective People\’.

A reactive person is someone whose behaviors are ruled and motivated by previous external events, of which she becomes, thus, a victim. Such is a common stance in our days; many people stick to it because, even if it is immature and leads to repression and suffering, it also offers some psychological retributions: for example, by regarding oneself as a victim of circumstances, one eliminates the need of choosing, and thus, the pain of a possible mistake. Everything is always other people\’s fault.

On the other hand, the proactive person is the one who takes initiative by herself, accepts the consequences of one\’s own decisions, and regards mistakes only as an opportunity for learning. Proactivity is a more mature stance, and the one which provides more options, satisfaction and possibilities for growth in the long run. A classic expression to describe reactive behavior is \’putting out fires\’, while a proactive person would better be the one that figures out and builds a fire-proof building.

One can always decide whether to be proactive or reactive. Situations just happen, it is oneself who must attach a meaning to them. Luckily, you always have the possibility to choose the most favorable meaning for any event, the best way to put what you have in front of you. Once you find the perfect formulation, it is your task and your right to stick to it. The key is staying focused on what\’s within one\’s reach, within one\’s power, and find the means to increase it. It doesn\’t mean you have to fake what to feel or pretend you\’re blind to bad consequences in order to drive yourself into a \’false optimism\’; what you do, rather, is modeling, like a sculptor, the expression of what you feel, and of course do it for your own advantage.

For example: imagine you have a conflict with a difficult person. Check the difference between \’she controls me\’ and \’I must work on getting more control in my life\’. Both sentences can be considered either true or false. But, while the first one gives your power away, putting you in the hands of someone else, the second states your power, sets a project you can work on, and gets you going.

The importance of how one verbalizes things to oneself is huge, because behind every word there is always a thought, and thoughts are energy that leads to action. New philosophies and theories like the Law of Attraction emphasize this point a lot. Say that you are recovering from a serious illness. If you keep telling yourself time after time \’I\’m glad I didn\’t die\’, what is the concept you are feeling your mind with? While the sentence expresses gratitude, which is a good thing, what you are doing in its second half is focusing (\’die\’) in what you don\’t want, and what\’s not within your control. But try this instead: \’I\’m glad I have this strength. I\’m glad I made it\’. It feels different, doesn\’t it? The other sentence was about death; on the contrary, every time you repeat this one, you are literally filling yourself with achievement and strength.

So always stayed focused on what you can do, on the things that you want to see increased. At first it can feel difficult, even ridiculous, maybe. How much difference can a bunch of words make? But keep training it like a muscle, until you naturally focus on your power, and you\’ll soon start to see results, in and outside.

And one last thing: don\’t pick on yourself if along the process you catch yourself falling into negative patterns now and then; every muscle needs a temporary rest to avoid stiffness. Just make sure the majority of thoughts, at the end of the day, are on the positive side, on what you want. You\’ll have had a great day and you\’ll be planting the seed of an even better next one.

Author Bio: Nacho Jordi is a psychologist and translator who lives in Madrid (Spain). He is the author of the Zerebria blog, where he offers tips and hints for personal development and conscious living, besides all kind of contemporary musings.

Category: Advice
Keywords: psychology,learning,law of attraction,motivation,adaptation,creative thinking,words