This is a 100% unofficial and part-humorous guide on how NOT to impress your boss. Annoying a leader is relatively easy – in many cases, it will take all of your concentration to keep them happy! However, keep away from these 13 techniques and you\’ll be on your way to sitting in your leaders good books!

Annoyance Technique 1: Punctuality

Life is just a little too busy to turn up to everything on time. Let’s face it, if they\’re 5 minutes early, it makes sense for you to be 5 minutes late so that overall you\’re both prompt.

Annoyance Technique 2: Steam-Roll ideas

If you have a brilliant idea – ensure that nobody blocks or \’taints\’ your vision with critical feedback and \’counter arguments\’. Logic is a game for philosophers, not businessmen – so don\’t let a sound counter-argument hold you back. A classic example of this technique is to completely repeat yourself in a meeting perhaps 3-4 times, in between responses from team members. Your listeners should be able to lip-sync your \’key points\’ by the end of the meeting.

Annoyance Technique 3: Become a Hermit

Report to your manager twice per lunar cycle. After all – any good manager has faith in their employees and knows better than to \’micro manage\’ via weekly catch-up phone calls. Autonomy is king. This also allows you to leave work at 3pm every day in a cleaners buggy.

Annoyance Technique 4: Misspell everything.

They know what you mean anyway! So why waste precious business minutes that could be otherwise spent creating \’real\’ value for the company. Grammar Nazis are just as evil as their original namesakes.

Annoyance Technique 5: Become an Essay Writer
A good idea deserves good, clear communication, using 12,000 words or less. It\’s helpful to keep emails below the 12k mark, because generally you don\’t want the recipient’s afternoon being taken up, only their morning.

Annoyance Technique 6: Conspire against \’The Big Wigs\’

Of course your career will probably be best served by working \’with\’ management – or is that only what they want you to think!

Annoyance Technique 7: View change as the \’Devil\’s Work\’

Change of all forms should be avoided, and their instigators should be personally tormented until the change stops. This is the way it should always be. Remember when your favourite TV programme was axed? Yes, change hurts indeed. Change hurts…

Annoyance Technique 8: Discuss Promotions and Pay Rises as Often as Possible

The key to gaining promotions is to list your key strengths, preferably over lunchtime to your fellow colleagues and subordinates. This way, news of your supreme excellent will reach senior management, and a promotion is inevitable!

Annoyance Technique 9: Refer to \”Management\” and \”Leadership\” in physical inverted commas at all times.

Note that \”Management\” and \”Management Bullshit\” are perfectly interchangeable. The definition is practically the same.

Of course, these pointers were meant humorously and I wouldn\’t suggest following any of them to the letter, however I bet you can recognise a few of your colleagues in the techniques I\’ve outline above! Which technique do you (unintentionally) employ the most?

Author Bio: You can find the author, Simon writing about more slightly more serious leadership styles topics at Leadership-Expert.co.uk.

Category: Advice
Keywords: Humour, Funny, Leadership, Leaders, Annoy, Tips, Management, Managers