Tools are available on how to save marriage from people who have walked this path successfully and from professional counselors. One can easily access professional support from books, classes and counselors.

Couples who have pulled their marriages back from the brink are great resources for ideas that work. What you will get here are helpful resources and tools on How To Save Your Marriage. Commence your journey to an enhanced relationship. Your marriage can be better, take it from me.

Most couples are unhappy in marriage at one time or the other. If you look at down times and bad times as hills to be conquered, you can find yourself joyfully sledding DOWN the slope, having overcome the obstacle. It is entirely up to you, your perspectives, your expectations, your decisions and how well you use these resources.

TOOL #1 – Clarify

First, you must commit to dramatically improving your relationship.

Secondly, be certain why you want to improve or save your marriage.

Tackle the following exercise to help you think this through:

1. Label three separate pieces of paper at the top with \’About Being Married\’, \’How I see my spouse\’, and \’How I imagine my partner Sees Me.\’

2. Draw a line down the middle making two columns on each.

3. List the good things on the left side of the page. In the right column, list your negative thoughts.

Third, really look at your own perspective and expectations of your relationship with your partner in this marriage. Select the statement/question that reflects your view in your marriage, choosing -1 or -2 in each:

How do my perspectives line up?

(A-1) Do I consider divorce an option? (A-2) Do i refuse to entertain the thought of divorce?

(B-1) My partner is causing all this trouble. (B-2) I may be responsible for some of our problems.

(C-1) I thought marriage would change him (or her) for the better. (C-2) I realize that the only person I have the right to change is me.

How do my expectations line up?

(D-1) Do I believe marriage should be a smooth ride rather than riddled with hills and valleys? (D-2) Do I expect marriage to have regular ups and downs?

(E-1) My spouse is \’family\’ – I can let my hair down and act like I feel. (E-2) My partner is my lover who I need to court and win over.

(F-1) If my partner makes me angry, I give \’em a piece of my mind. (F-2) We have rules we use when discussing tough subjects so the discussion does not dissolve into hurtful words.

The second choice in each pair will provide you with more effective ways to work on your marriage. Your partner will have his or her own perspectives and expectations. Cajole your partner into doing the exercises, if you can. This will give you something to build on as you work on communication skills.

Insight into one another\’s thoughts of marriage should help clarify where you need to work the most to bring about an improved relationship. Too often couples assume they know what their spouse is thinking. Couples can be astounded when their assumptions are not correct. Being Misunderstood can lead one or the other partner to anger and frustration.

The next biggest advantage to these exercises is that they give you the opportunity to open the discussion of your marriage from an analytical standpoint. You will want to establish some groundrules for discussion such as the results are for the purpose of understanding one another, not to react or accuse one another. Humor is a great way to introduce opportunities that may be threatening or potentially hurtful.

Discussing your results will provide new information on how you both view your marriage and what you would lose if it did not work out. If you do not yet have the skills to have this discussion without getting angry or defensive, you may want to engage a counselor.

Discussing your answers happily will hopefully lead to the fact that you still want to save your marriage. This will give you a strong place to start in realigning your expectations and perceptions.

TOOL #2 – Forgive

Reviewing your expectations and revising them to bring them in alignment will set you on a new path, but it won\’t be easy.

Past disappointments that resulted in hurt and pain must be addressed before you can truly rebuild your relationship. It is very tough to take the next step when you are haunted by hurts from the past. It will be important to let go of the anger and thoughts of revenge. Forgiving your spouse will give you peace; it will free up energy for you to apply to a positive future.

It may take a leap of faith to forgive, but it is what will free you to move forward in your relationship.

Will forgiving mean forgetting? No, but it is a way to move forward. If a thought of a past pain or hurt recurs, literally use your hand to put it behind you; throw it over your shoulder. Strong feelings do not evaporate right away, but you can remind yourself over and over that you forgave that transgression; it will ultimately set your free.

You can move towards forgiveness if you have a clear understanding of what a breakup would mean. Talk with several people who have gone through a divorce and ask them what it was like and what the impact was on their lives. Ask them what it did to them and their families. Ask if they could suffer those feelings a second time. A clear look at the reality of painful divorces may make you consider the work of forgiveness a great alternative.

TOOL #3 – Attitude

How To Save Marriage is an age old question; the best answer is to believe that you can. Henry Ford\’s famous quote sums up the power of attitude, \”Whether you think you can or think you can\’t, you are right.\” Decide to save your marriage. Give it your best shot. Belief that you can save your marriage should be part of every day. Believing that you can save your marriage will impact your actions and words. It is powerful.

Author Bio: Zia Wright has been studying relationship issues for the past 20 years, providing insight to friends and followers. If you would like to learn more about tools, tips and secrets on how to save your marriage, visit this relationship expert\’s web site http://savemarriagetools.com. You will get substantive tools on how to spice up your marriage and much much more.

Category: Marriage
Keywords: How to save marriage,how save your marriage,save marriage,save marriage assistance