Divorce And Children- How To Best Help Your Children Cope
Divorce and Children are a challenging combination, but also one that it’s possible to manage perfectly adequately.
First and foremost, it can be extremely unsettling for the kids to have their household disrupted and one parent move out of the house. Apart from practical matters changing, like who takes them to school and reads their bedtime stories, children can become very emotionally affected during a divorce too. They may irrationally blame themselves for the break-up, or become convinced that one or both of their parents do not love them. If a couple goes through a divorce and children are badly affected, they can begin to play up at home and at school.
Another of the main issues surrounding children and divorce is that, even after a divorce, there is still need for the parents to work together. Parents will need to agree to custody arrangements, and also to agree a suitable financial maintenance package. In most cases, it’s generally accepted that it is in the best interest for the child or children of the marriage to go on having contact with both parents – however, there are circumstances where this may not be necessarily or desirable, including if one parent is a danger to the child for whatever reason.
For most cases, it is important to separate your feelings about your ex-partner, any new partners on the scene, your divorce and children. Children like to have a routine and stability. Try not to use your children to punish your ex – whatever happens during your break up, they should be provided for and see both parents, and should be kept out of the crossfire at all costs. Likewise, any new partner comes firmly behind your children when it comes to the family pecking order. But remember that contact because of the children does not give you a carte blanche to interfere in your ex’s relationships. Make agreements about the frequency and duration of contact and any monies to be paid, and stick to those agreements.
Even once you’ve gotten through the initial stages of your divorce, and children are more settled in their new routines and lives, there can still be the occasional flashpoint. You will need to negotiate a fair access timetable for special days like Thanksgiving and Christmas, and practical arrangement for parents’ nights and other school events, to make sure that no parent feels left out of special times in their child’s life. One increasing problem is that children find out about major events in the non-resident parent’s life through social media sites – careful to discuss things with them before posting.
However, managing a divorce and children does not necessarily have a long-lasting or continually upsetting effect on your child or children. Most children continue to lead happy lives at school and home, some more so than if their parents stayed together but argued.
Also, some kids find that they quite enjoy getting two sets of Christmas presents and playing one adult off the other! Divorce and children can be a very tricky combination, but common sense and a willing to mediate will help all of you to cope.
Going through a divorce is one of life’s most traumatic experiences. Find out more about Divorce and Children and how to best help your children cope.
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Author Bio: Going through a divorce is one of life’s most traumatic experiences. Find out more about Divorce and Children and how to best help your children cope.
Category: Relationships
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