The day my husband, George, took me to drug rehabilitation, he was emotionally exhausted. We both felt afraid and lost. We both had little hope. We sat in silence. Neither of us shared this with the other. We sat in isolation and misery. Leaving me there that day was a load off his back. He no longer had to be hyper-vigilant, as least for a little while.

Both of us had little faith drug rehabilitation would work. Previous 5-day treatments that the \”professionals\” insisted were as effective as 30 days had not worked, so why would this? George thought treatment was likely a waste of money. I was frightened. I did not know what to expect. At this point, with the marriage so severely strained, our future together was totally unknown. Would the marriage survive? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Also, George had a burden of his own. He was still drinking and did not want to stop. He didn\’t know if he could stop. He knew his drinking was part of the problem.

From the beginning, my counselor insisted George participate in drug rehabilitation with me. I was incredibly afraid he would not show up. But, he did. He decided to give it a try.

Rehab itself was eye-opening for George. He met counselors and patients.

He listened as people told their stories and shared their experiences. He watched some of the faces of those really hurting and those beginning to feel a bit better. And, much to his amazement, addicts looked like regular people. Not a single three-headed monster in the bunch!

As Family Group began, it was impossible to ignore the cups and saucers hanging on the wall. They stood as symbols of happiness and hope. The first day, George felt huge relief. He was not the only person who was dealing with an addicted family member. He was not alone. The next thought was terror. He realized he would have to stop drinking too. Then denial crept in as George toyed with the idea he could still continue to drink and that I could be okay. The stories we heard family members tell were incredibly moving. It was clear some of them were emotionally healthier than we were but there were others there worse off. No matter, we were not alone.

The very first family session also taught George that rehab was a safe place. He learned that I might try to guilt him into taking me home before drug rehabilitation was finished. And at the end of treatment, I might be reluctant to go home, because home was a huge part of the problem. He learned what might happen after I got home. He learned how to react, how to avoid manipulation and how to show compassion. This information was invaluable.

Donna, the counselor leading family group, shared basic statistics about the chances of long term drug rehabilitation. She rattled off several numbers. What they were exactly did not matter. It was proof that treatment works. For George, hearing this was a huge relief; he now knew treatment could work.

Still for George the emotions flowed. Anger at having to quit too, resentment towards me that I had brought both of us to this point, fury at the pills and alcohol I was using. Stunned at the lies I told. How could I prefer pills and alcohol over him? For the first time, George learned this was a hallmark of the disease of addiction.

For me, fear was driving my every move. I was so fearful George would leave me; I could not even speak the words. I was most afraid of the knee-to-knee exercise. What would I say to George? What would he say to me? Would he decide there was no reason to complete this exercise, because he was leaving anyway? My little addict voice was telling me: If I tell him how I really feel, he won\’t love me anymore.

George also was mortified at the idea of the knee-to-knee. Private matters would be made public; behavior kept in the dark would be brought out into the light. Our dysfunctional relationship would be laid bare for all to see. He feared the persona he projected would be exposed as a lie. The elephant in the room would no longer be ignored.

Watching others share in this exercise was very helpful. Again we learned others are feeling much the same. It was clear all the patients and their family members had much regret over the past. We were not alone. Despite how scary and stressful this exercise was, it helped to begin to rebuild the bonds broken by the addiction.

George is very grateful to the caring and compassionate staff as well as the other patients at rehab, who taught him that it is okay to seek help from others. George has since joined the program and is in drug rehabilitation himself.

At the end of Family Week, George felt he had what he needed in his hip pocket. We did have a chance at success, in our marriage and in our sobriety. Participating in Family Group was the beginning of our journey together into recovery.

Go to www.valleyhope.org to learn more.

Micki G. Parker

Go to http://www.valleyhope.org to learn more.
Micki G. Parker

Author Bio: Go to www.valleyhope.org to learn more.

Micki G. Parker

Category: Wellness, Fitness and Diet
Keywords: drug rehabilitation, drug rehab centers, drug and alcohol treatment centers