Have you ever been blindsided by a woman’s sudden, angry reaction after answering what seemed to be an innocent question she asked? If you are a man you have probably had this “what just happened here” experience many times with the women in your life but, aside from being puzzled, gained nothing from the experience.

As a communication expert who happens to be female I can tell you that when a woman asks a question like “Are you hungry?” and then gets angry at you after you truthfully state that you are not, she has set you up. It’s not really her fault and it certainly isn’t yours, because men and women communicate differently. That’s why it behooves both sexes to take a short decoding class. Ready?

The first thing you need to know is that women sometimes expect you to read their minds. It sounds silly, but many women have been brought up to avoid saying what’s really on their minds; to compensate, they resort to hints. If they are hungry, for example, and taking a drive with you, they may not want to ask you to stop the car so they can grab a bite to eat. Instead, they might ask if you’re hungry, hoping you pick up on what they are really saying (“I’d like to eat now”) and act accordingly. When you don’t, watch out!

OK. Now that you know that women may expect men to read minds even though they cannot, here are three other things to keep in mind that, when properly followed, will keep you from sharing outdoor space with your dog.

Mistake No. 1: Not asking what she needs. Let’s suppose your wife arrives home from work in meltdown mode. She’s had a bad day at work and ready or not she wants to tell you all about it. Your first reaction is likely to begin making helpful suggestions that will solve her problem. Bad move. Instead, ask her what she needs: does she want you to listen, allow her to vent or to have you offer suggestions? At my house, my husband says to me, “Tell me my line” and I give it to him. You might want to try that arrangement too.

Mistake No. 2: Invalidating how she feels. Telling an irate woman to “calm down” or “relax,” is a sure way to make her even more upset. When a woman feels as if her anger and lack of composure are justified and you make light of those feelings you negate her emotions. You’ll be her friend for life if you allow her to fully experience her feelings, perhaps saying something like, “It makes me so sad that you went through something so awful.”

Mistake No. 3: Not giving her your full attention. Sometimes women like to talk and sometimes men get talked out quickly. How to reconcile those differences? If something comes up that needs to be talked about but is not life-threatening, you can make an appointment to discuss it. Agree to talk for a specific length of time – say 30 minutes – after dinner has been enjoyed and the dishes put away or at some other time that works for both of you – and not during the football game. That way you won’t be looking at your watch while she is looking for empathy.

When you avoid these three mistakes, the women in your life will stop thinking of you as an insensitive jerk and you will have a better understanding of what the women in your life are really thinking. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Ronnie Moore has helped thousands of people save their careers, businesses, money and relationships by changing the way they communicate. She is the author of “Why Did I Say That? Visit http://www.WhyDidISayThatBook.com for a free guide on what to do when you are criticized.

Ronnie Moore has helped thousands of people save their careers, businesses, money and relationships by changing the way they communicate. She is the author of “Why Did I Say That? Visit http://www.WhyDidISayThatBook.com for a free guide on what to do when you are criticized.

Author Bio: Ronnie Moore has helped thousands of people save their careers, businesses, money and relationships by changing the way they communicate. She is the author of “Why Did I Say That? Visit http://www.WhyDidISayThatBook.com for a free guide on what to do when you are criticized.

Category: Relationships
Keywords: Ronnie Moore, relationship, relationship advice, communication, advice