When people are dissatisfied with a career or life in general, they often think big changes are the answer. The problem with that approach is that if they don’t first get down to the root of the issues, what lies beneath the dissatisfaction, changes won’t help.

To really hit your reset button for a better life, you must better know yourself before making any moves. Take a good look at where you are and who you are. As Marcel Proust wrote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

If you don’t like the “who” in “who I am” (or “who we are,” if you’re a business leader), the problem is the goal, purpose or function that’s pulling you off course. You need to change it. Once you find and name that new goal, your direction will automatically change as a new magnet pulls it forward. You will change who you need to be in order to reach it and be a better you in the future.

So, how to do that? I need more time and space than this article to give you everything I have to offer, but the following thoughts and exercises will get you started. I’ll warn you now… some of what I suggest may seem too “touchy-feely” to you. I’ve worked with many executives who felt that way but, after indulging me, found it was exactly what they needed.

We all have an organized set of convictions about life that governs how we act and what we choose, but of which we’re usually only dimly aware. Psychologist Alfred Adler called this “Style-of-Life.” It includes:

– Self-image: An indelible picture you’ve created of yourself, but seldom see clearly.

– Worldview: Deeply held beliefs about the structure and make-up of life that you may only dimly comprehend.

– Central Goal: The magnet of your life that draws every particle of your existence into its service. This, too, remains largely unseen.

Begin to identify your Style-of-Life by answering these questions with short, direct statements:

Who am I? (Self-Image)

What life do I lead? (Worldview)

What pulls me forward? (Central Goal)

You won’t ferret out your Style-of-Life in a day or week. Play at it with patience. Stimulate new ideas and permit insights to bubble up. Maintain a sense of humor. Don’t force it. Sometimes great insights come when you least expect them, while you’re doing something else, something pleasurable; when you’ve let your defenses down.

Aeschylus wrote:

I am like all other men.

I am like some other men.

I am like no other man.

You possess unique traits and skills and if you can discover and develop them, you’ll brighten your life and that of anyone you touch. Try this activity to discover what lies beneath your surface.

Divide a paper into three columns, labeled ” Like everyone else,” “Like someone else” and “Like no one else.” Fill them with everything that comes to you. Now reflect on what you’ve written. Where do you live your life? Do you follow paths that allow your uniqueness to shine? If not, why not?

Ask yourself:

Who am I meant to be?

What do I fear?

How does my fear hold me back?

All soul searching requires quiet introspection and trusting your intuition. Pause. Close your eyes. I can’t say enough good about meditation. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. It can raise your peace quotient. Stare at a rippling river, on your buns, leaning lazily under a tree for an hour or two. Notice the change in your disposition.

Now, you may have glanced ahead and groaned, “A poem? Really?” So, why poetry? All those funny, little lines. I like poetry because it’s a way of saying what we’re not inclined to say – in a few words. Free your mind to ponder this poem. Let ideas, memories and images arise. You’ll be surprised at the insights that come. Indulge me.

Contrarian

The wise woman said to the…

bully, weep

speaker, listen

leader, follow

giver, withhold

teacher, learn

clergyman, broaden

poet, capture

CEO, settle

advisor, pace

observer, act

writer, speak

traveler, stay

strong, yield

braggart, confess

pilgrim, invite

seen, see

initiator, wait

taker, give

photographer, blink

contrarian, die

and so she did

and lived.

Meditate, contemplate in nature, reflect on your notes. Let the truth buried inside you make its appearance and turn your life into something special. What’s in you wanting to come out?

Allan Cox is a CEO advisor, poet-blogger and author of ten books including, \”WHOA! Are They Glad You’re in They’re Lives?\” He offers insights and exercises for personal and professional growth in his books and at http://www.AllanCox.com. Find Allan on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Scribd and Red Room.

Allan Cox is a CEO advisor, poet-blogger and author of ten books including, \”WHOA! Are They Glad You’re in They’re Lives?\” He offers insights and exercises for personal and professional growth in his books and at http://www.AllanCox.com. Find Allan on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Scribd and Red Room.

Author Bio: Allan Cox is a CEO advisor, poet-blogger and author of ten books including, \”WHOA! Are They Glad You’re in They’re Lives?\” He offers insights and exercises for personal and professional growth in his books and at http://www.AllanCox.com. Find Allan on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Scribd and Red Room.

Category: Self Help
Keywords: discover myself, live a better life, midlife crisis, career change, Allan Cox, self help, advice