A couple of months ago I wrote an article titled, If I Had A Daughter, Would I Teach Her To Think Like A Man? in response to the recent Steve Harvey movie based on his book, (i)Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. The reason for the article was to address some of the gender disparities that exist in the United States.

Once my clients, students, friends, and family read the article, I began getting more and more questions about single parenting and how effective one parent can be in raising children. Both men and women confronted me with the age-old question: “Do you think a single woman can raise a boy to be a man?”

This question typically emerges when “little Johnny” has done something wrong in school or out in the community and mom finds herself at wits end trying to figure out why she might be struggling to get her son to “act right.”

Many single moms will short-change themselves by rationalizing their sons’ behavior and saying things like, “Well, I’m just a single mom,” or “As a woman, I can’t teach my son how to be a man,” or “Boys will be boys and I just don’t know what to do with him.” So, can a single mom raise a boy to be a man?

Unequivocally, the answer is: Yes she can!

Responsibility

Raising a boy to be a man means teaching him responsibility. Responsibility means commitment to oneself and one’s community. It means that when a boy becomes a man, he will be responsible for himself and he will also be willing to care for the people who are closest to him.

There are a few types of responsibility to consider and these include emotional responsibility (e.g., keeping it real about how he feels rather than not saying anything), and physical responsibility (e.g., making good decisions about what to do). Teaching boys to be responsible is not gender specific and does not require a man to be around to teach it.

Independence

Similar to responsibility, raising a boy to be a man means teaching him how to be independent. We have too many grown men in the United States today living with their moms and relying on them for food, shelter, and clothing. Most of us have a brother, cousin, or friend who continues to live at home with his mother because he is afraid of striking out on his own and the number of men choosing this way of life seems to be growing yearly.

Moms can teach independence to their boys by responsibly allowing their sons to explore their environment on their own. The key word here is “responsibly”, meaning that a mom should take into account her son’s age and maturity when it comes to encouraging him to strike out on his own and learn about what is around him.

Positively rewarding her son – and sometimes even allowing him to fail – can help a mother to instill a sense of confidence in a boy. Alternatively, holding him back by manipulating him to suit her emotional and social needs will have the exact opposite effect and keep a boy from becoming a strong and independent man.

Assertiveness

Responsibility and independence also serve as the building blocks for being assertive. Most boys are taught at a young age to fight back when they are attacked or when they are disrespected. It does not take a man to teach a boy how or when to fight; moms can teach their sons when to be assertive and how to make good decisions for themselves.

“Whoopin’ someone’s ass” to get a point across or cursing someone out may seem great in the moment, but as most responsible adults understand it doesn’t really solve anything. A mom can best help her son by teaching him to consider alternative solutions when he gets angry, frustrated, or annoyed. Boys can model their mothers’ pro-social behavior and have discussions with them about what is the right/best thing to do, just as they could with a man.

Single moms have a great deal of power and influence when it comes to affecting their sons’ decisions. Encouraging boys to feel positive about themselves, their families, and their communities will enable them to become productive men in the future.

Dr. Wadley is available for public speaking engagements for seminars, conferences, and private groups and clubs. He is often the guest speaker on radio talk shows most recently tapped to be the on call expert for the Huffington Post “HuffLive\” podcasts.Further information is available at http://www.drjameswadley.com, or follow him on twitter@phdjamesw or facebook.

Dr. James Wadley is often a guest speaker on radio talk shows and relationship seminars across the nation. Dr. Wadley is available for public speaking engagements for seminars, conferences, private groups and clubs. Further information is available at http://www.drjameswadley.com.

Author Bio: Dr. Wadley is available for public speaking engagements for seminars, conferences, and private groups and clubs. He is often the guest speaker on radio talk shows most recently tapped to be the on call expert for the Huffington Post “HuffLive\” podcasts.Further information is available at http://www.drjameswadley.com, or follow him on twitter@phdjamesw or facebook.

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