4,900 parents of baby boomers die every day in this country. Burying one’s parents has always been a painful midlife passage. I’ve seen my friends over the past five years go through the death of their last parent and just more recently a family friend’s husband, at the age of eighty, died after months of hospital care, various surgeries and dialysis three times a week. For six months our friend had less then what one would consider a quality life. He had asked a month before for hospice, telling his wife that he was dying. Yet another surgery was scheduled.

As a generation, we can change how we come to the end of life and with that, the grief that follows our losses, for our parents, for ourselves. We could have a powerful impact on the way we grieve and make changes to what are now considered societal norms of the grief experience. Basically we don’t do grief well in our society nor do we speak of death until it’s at our front door.

How can we, as a generation, effect change? Communication about dying, death, loss and grief would be a first step. Sharing our experiences as we care for our aging parents and their death, as our spouse’s die, sharing with each other the experience of loss. We need to open the conversation and keep it going. I know it’s not easy, most people do not want to discuss death but death is inevitable!

Why is it that the death of a ninety-eight year old mother or father is an unexpected death? Unwanted yes, unexpected, no. Most often, the subject of death and wishes of aging parents have never been discussed. We, in this society, have been taught, and taught well, how to obtain things. We are raised reaching for the brass ring, filling our lives with accomplishments and the accumulation of goods. All well and good but, when we lose something or someone we have no idea how to understand the feelings that accompany those losses, namely the experience of grief. If we don’t know how to grieve the loss of things we achieve or accumulate, how then are we supposed to understand the human feelings of grief after the loss of someone we love?

Baby boomers are going to be the change, have to be the change. We will discuss the subject with our children and spouses. Boomers are going to arrange their own funerals while they are still healthy in order to spare their children the ordeal. We are going to be the ones to have chosen our health care proxy’s, donated our organs, have advanced directives in place, and chose cremation or natural burials. We are going to be the ones that say “before I die I want to…………………” and “when I die I want…………………..”. We can make it better for ourselves, and our loved ones.

Death is inevitable as is the grief that follows but, my experience has been, when the subject of death has been discussed, the experience of grief after death, although painful and sad and yes a roller coaster ride, is a more gentle, open and shared experience.

Audrey is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Health Coach. Having been widowed at the age of 37 with 4 young children, she initially sought out the assistance of those professionals she thought might be able to help, but who in fact had no experience in working with a young widow with years of raising children ahead of her. Experiencing the absence of support in the traditional system, Audrey pursued complimentary therapies and earned certification in Guided Imagery, Yoga, Meditation, Nutrition and Grief Recovery and implemented those tools through her own grief journey. She helps women who have experienced loss move through the grief and being moving forward in their lives. Audrey works virtually with clients one-on-one and provides group telephone programs on Grief Recovery and Healthy Living After Loss. You can see her upcoming programs atwww.wisewidow.com. Audrey speaks to corporations on the subject of grief in the workplace and how to support employees returning to work after a loss and provides training for managers, human resources and co-workers. Audrey launched the first Death Cafe\’ in NYC on February 20th and was featured in theJune 17th edition of The New York Times http://goo.gl/5sgYe. Audrey also had the NY Times Quotation of the Day for June 17th 2013, \”Death and grief are topics avoided at all costs in our society. If we talk about them, maybe we won\’t fear them as much.\” She is the author of \”Six Secrets to Surviving Widowhood\”. http://www.wisewidow.com or Contact Audrey at 914-703-2688 or audrey@wisewidow.com

Audrey is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Health Coach. Having been widowed at the age of 37 with 4 young children, she initially sought out the assistance of those professionals she thought might be able to help, but who in fact had no experience in working with a young widow with years of raising children ahead of her. Experiencing the absence of support in the traditional system, Audrey pursued complimentary therapies and earned certification in Guided Imagery, Yoga, Meditation, Nutrition and Grief Recovery and implemented those tools through her own grief journey. She helps women who have experienced loss move through the grief and being moving forward in their lives. Audrey works virtually with clients one-on-one and provides group telephone programs on Grief Recovery and Healthy Living After Loss. You can see her upcoming programs http://atwww.wisewidow.com. Audrey speaks to corporations on the subject of grief in the workplace and how to support employees returning to work after a loss and provides training for managers, human resources and co-workers. Audrey launched the first Death Cafe\’ in NYC on February 20th and was featured in theJune 17th edition of The New York Times http://goo.gl/5sgYe. Audrey also had the NY Times Quotation of the Day for June 17th 2013, “Death and grief are topics avoided at all costs in our society. If we talk about them, maybe we won’t fear them as much.” She is the author of \”Six Secrets to Surviving Widowhood\”. http://www.wisewidow.com or Contact Audrey at 914-703-2688 or audrey@wisewidow.com

Author Bio: Audrey is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Health Coach. Having been widowed at the age of 37 with 4 young children, she initially sought out the assistance of those professionals she thought might be able to help, but who in fact had no experience in working with a young widow with years of raising children ahead of her. Experiencing the absence of support in the traditional system, Audrey pursued complimentary therapies and earned certification in Guided Imagery, Yoga, Meditation, Nutrition and Grief Recovery and implemented those tools through her own grief journey. She helps women who have experienced loss move through the grief and being moving forward in their lives. Audrey works virtually with clients one-on-one and provides group telephone programs on Grief Recovery and Healthy Living After Loss. You can see her upcoming programs atwww.wisewidow.com. Audrey speaks to corporations on the subject of grief in the workplace and how to support employees returning to work after a loss and provides training for managers, human resources and co-workers. Audrey launched the first Death Cafe\’ in NYC on February 20th and was featured in theJune 17th edition of The New York Times http://goo.gl/5sgYe. Audrey also had the NY Times Quotation of the Day for June 17th 2013, \”Death and grief are topics avoided at all costs in our society. If we talk about them, maybe we won\’t fear them as much.\” She is the author of \”Six Secrets to Surviving Widowhood\”. http://www.wisewidow.com or Contact Audrey at 914-703-2688 or audrey@wisewidow.com

Category: Death
Keywords: boomers, grief, death, relationships, advice, parent death, spouse death