When your relationship was going great your confidence was high, you felt loved and valued by your partner and even needed by them. As we are by nature social animals, tuned by nature to living in groups or partnerships, gaining self confidence from another is perfectly natural. Unfortunately there is a big down side to this, human beings need to feel loved and valued and it is that need that causes problems as soon as we find ourselves on our own. When our partner leaves we feel that we are not needed anymore, that we are not important and that we have been rejected for somehow not being “enough.”

Rejection. Even the sound of the word is depressing! But exactly what is rejection in the context of relationships? So many of us when rejected by someone we love convince ourselves that it is us who is being rejected. That somehow as a human being we have failed to satisfy our ex partner so there must be something wrong with us. Is that how you feel now? Well, if it is, then read on because I have a surprise for you!

If you sit and think about it logically for a second the idea that you are being rejected as a person is ridiculous! Why? Because you are still the same person you were before you met your ex, you will always be the same person so how can your ex reject you? In other words it is not you who is being rejected but the relationship with you that your ex is rejecting! Do you see the difference this can make? You are a person, your relationship is a thing and it is that thing that needs to be changed, not you!

Certainly there are facets of your personality that may need to change, excessive jealousy, anger, laziness etc but these can all be fixed quite easily with professional help. Or perhaps you have let yourself go, put on weight, become unfit and no longer present an attractive sight to your ex. Well guess what! These can all be fixed as well, join a gym or take up jogging! The ways to get fit these days are almost endless! Are you beginning to see what I am getting at? The person you are will never change, has never changed so the person that your ex was attracted to in the first place is still there even if the bodywork is beginning to sag!

So now you have set yourself a goal to get rid of the flab and turn yourself into a sex symbol it’s time to look at what else in your relationship with your ex needs to be changed. Was your relationship marred by anger, fits of jealousy, money problems or something else? Then go on an anger management course, see a professional relationship counsellor or a debt advisor. Whatever the problem in your relationship, there is an answer so go out and find it! It is not you as a person who is being rejected, it is the relationship with you that your ex has rejected, so fix the problems in the relationship!

Are you beginning to feel a little more confident now that you can see what the word rejection actually means? Good, so let’s move on and have a closer look at confidence. What is it that gives us confidence, that enables us to cope with our day to day life and to face new challenges in our life? Again the answer is surprisingly simple! The way to build up your confidence again is to go out and do new things! Sounds simple but there is a slight problem!

The way our mind is constructed is fascinating! It is incredibly complex and clever, able to do quite complicated mathematics by itself, to store faces and names in an always expanding memory pool and to work on auto pilot when needed but show the mind something new and it blows a fuse! Well ok, maybe not that bad but you know what I mean! Unbelievably powerful though the mind is, it does not like having to learn new skills and will put up fierce resistance to the idea every chance it gets. Ever been in the situation where you have to do something new but your mind finds some way to creatively avoid doing it? I know you have because creative avoidance is how we all get through our day! We like to live our lives in our comfort zones and the minute we move out of that comfort zone our mind rejects the idea and causes us to feel nervous therefore making the idea of doing something new no matter what the benefits might be, infinitely less appealing than simply staying in the one spot!

Once you realise how your mind actively tries to hold you back it becomes so much easier to cope with doing new things and to gain confidence. And confidence is the No 1 attraction factor between the sexes! Nothing else comes close, not money, looks, sex appeal or anything else, in fact for women confidence and sex appeal are the same thing! A confident man with reasonable looks will stand a far better chance with a woman than a Brad Pitt lookalike who has no confidence at all! And I just know that is going to come as a big surprise to many of the men reading this page! For women confidence is also very important. So many men treat women with confidence as a challenge so if you are a woman reading this page just think how more confidence could help you in getting you ex back!

So now you know how to build up your confidence again. Learn new skills, take up a hobby which requires you to step well outside your comfort zone. The more you do it the more confident you will become. How about skydiving or travelling on your own? A public speaking course perhaps or a sales course. Anything that forces you outside of your comfort zone will automatically build up your confidence and will in turn make it so much easier when you next meet your ex or try to set up a meeting with them. And that rebuilt self confidence will make you so much more attractive to your ex again!

I hope you have enjoyed reading this page and I really hope I have inspired you in your fight to get your ex back! As you can see there is no down side to building up your confidence again so why not give it a go? Even if you are ultimately unsuccessful in getting back with your ex that new found confidence will stand you in good stead when it comes to dating again and who knows, maybe you will find somebody even better?

Author Bio: Jerry R Love is a professional writer specializing in relationship problems. It’s a fact that over 90% of broken relationships can be brought back to life! Click here to find out how to Get Your Ex Back

Category: Self Help
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