So often I hear about lovers “trying” to make a relationship work. Apart from the obvious fact that any relationship needs effort from both partners to work there is the fact that often one of the individuals in the relationship is trying simply to assuage their own conscience!

Are you in a situation where your ex is moving in and out of your life? Where he or she has somebody new but they keep coming back to you to “try” and make their relationship with you work?

If you are in this to and fro situation then you are not alone but it is very important that you realise why this is happening.

You may think that they are as genuine as you about trying to make the relationship work but are they really? Asking yourself some questions can make the situation much clearer.

1. Do they have someone else?

2. Have they told you that they feel guilty about leaving you?

2. Are they insecure about their own life?

4. Can they be trusted to tell you the truth?

5. How much trust in them do you still have?

If your ex has found somebody else but still comes back to you then they are probably feeling guilty about what has happened. “Trying” again with you is their way of getting rid of their own guilty conscience and gives them the opportunity to tell their friends and family that they have tried their “best” to make it work.

Telling you that they feel guilty about what they have done is simply a way of passing on the responsibility for the relationship onto you. In a way it is not being honest for if they really felt guilty then they would not be putting you through this daily heartache! After all who really sets out to hurt another human being deliberately?

Behaving in this way also signals insecurity in your ex. A mature person would not behave in this way for he or she would understand the pain they are causing and take steps to lessen that pain either by committing to you or moving on with their life and so giving you the chance to move on with yours. That insecurity and immaturity is something that you can do nothing about no matter how much you love your ex, it is something only they can deal with and it may take them having to suffer in the way you are suffering for them to learn how to grow and mature.

Even if your ex made the decision to come back to you permanently how much trust would you have in him or her? Once trust for another is broken it can take years to rebuild and if your ex is behaving in such an immature way now, without him or her growing up rapidly you will always find it hard to trust them again.

Really the best thing for you to do in this situation is for YOU to move on! The next time your ex says that they would like to try again, calmly and rationally explain to them that you are not interested and wish them the best of luck in their new life. No matter how much this hurts, you taking the upper hand in this situation is your only way out of it. It will ironically cause your ex to respect you a lot more and it will make it clear to him or her that you are in charge of your life and what happens in it!

If in the future you and your ex meet again he or she will remember the mature way you dealt with the relationship ending with them. This will give you a far greater chance of making any new relationship with your ex work without all the “trying!” Or if you meet someone new the maturity and responsibility that you learned to take for your own life will make you a much more attractive person.

Author Bio: Jerry R Love is a professional writer specializing in relationship problems. It’s a fact that over 90% of broken relationships can be brought back to life! Click here to find out how to Get Your Ex Back

Category: Relationships
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