Most people are less assertive than they should be. Some even let other people ride roughshod over them but usually not being assertive means that you don’t get your own way as often as you would like. Which means that if you’re in this group, there’s a good chance you don’t get what you want as often as you deserve. Instead, the more assertive person takes over.

So, how do you become more assertive?

For starters, it’s not about becoming pushier or more aggressive. That’s almost certainly not “you” and also almost certainly won’t work for you – your personality is unlikely to change overnight and other people around you won’t react correctly to a massive change.

Instead, you need to learn to say precisely what you mean in a calm and clear fashion. This can take some practice – there’s actually quite a good chance that you will stumble over this the first few times you try to articulate it.

Saying exactly what you mean is definitely easier said than done, otherwise you’d already be doing it!

Practice inside your head or, if it’s appropriate, out loud. Out loud is the better choice but talking to yourself isn’t perceived well in society so you’ll need to be careful if you go down that route.

The old saying “dress for success” goes a long way to helping you to become more assertive. If you dress scruffily other people will pay less attention to what you say than if you dress smartly. This could be as simple as ironing a fresh t-shirt and making sure your jeans are the right shade of blue, rather than faded and pock marked. Or you may need to start wearing a tie instead of showing off the top of your chest. If you’re in doubt, take your cue from others around you. Chances are you already instinctively know what’s needed but have ignored the signals.

Work on your nerves.

The more nervous you are, the less assertive you’re likely to be. After all, if you’re worrying about things you won’t be able to command the correct reaction from other people.

One way that sportsmen and other successful people manage to quell their nerves is by mental rehearsal. They work through the whole future situation in their mind until everything becomes second nature. Doing this and playing out the possible scenarios will help you to calm your nerves because you’ve already overcome the situation in your mind’s eye.

Speak calmly, clearly and confidently.

If you mumble and stumble your words, people won’t take you seriously. Again, practice is a good way of doing this. Even if it’s as simple as asking for something small, run the words through in your head a few times before speaking them. This will become second nature sooner than you think and you’ll almost automatically become more assertive with a few of these practice runs.

Don’t substitute anger for assertiveness. Most of the time anger will only work against you – there’s no point in venting your anger on the other party, chances are they’ll only obstruct your progress rather than help you.

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Category: Self Help
Keywords: become more assertive,be more assertive,getting your own way