Ever listen to people at a crowded restaurant during week day lunchtime? Often you hear conversations that are variations on the theme of “My boss is a —-“. Lots of four letter words can be put into that sentence.

Ever wonder why so many employees have a negative spin on the person they report to? After all bosses are people, people with problems, people with aches and pains, people with loves and hates, people with stresses and tensions, just like, well, just like you and me!

I did a recent survey of employees and while my questions were not done scientifically, more a random sample, I was fascinated when I connected the dots of those who complained and complained about their boss and those who gave some slack.

Turns out most that were really negative about either being micromanaged, ignored, or critiqued came from families where they had one or both parents who either micromanaged, ignored, or critiqued them all the time.

In “Don’t Bring it to Work” you can learn to observe yourself and then understand why you get so dialed up when your boss behaves in a way you find super annoying. You see, most of us have learned to project, to put onto others, the fears and upsets of childhood. That way we think we can be safe from our internal “scardiness”.

Except, life doesn’t work that way. Not at home, not in marriage, not in school, and not at work. We keep the stress and tension in our bodies and minds and it comes out through our emotions. It tumbles out and so often runs amuck in everything we do.

The best thing you can do for yourself, for your family, for your workmates, is to look back and see where you are still angry, hurt, frightened by your past. There is a map to follow in the book that can take you to your roots. It will help you see where the fears began and why you feel so mistrustful of your boss or supervisor.

In my experience, most of the time when there are some honest conversations the air is cleared and we can see the person in charge through a cleaner lens, not one muddied by past pain. Unfortunately, the way most work cultures are set up there is limited access to real conversations with bosses. We work and they, well, they boss.

Leadership development programs worth the time and money include modules that help emerging leaders understand the important dynamics around relationships that resemble the parent-child one we all experienced in some manner.

Whether you were raised in a “Leave it to Beaver” home, a single parent home, foster care, same sex parent home, whether you were adopted, part of a sperm bank union, from a one night stand or a long term relationship, the only ticket to get to this planet was from a male and a female connection and thus that relationship set into motion how you would see all other relationships, including the one with your boss.

If your boss is difficult to handle, look back to your own family dynamics. If you see your boss as untrustworthy, first look at the trust you had established in your family. If your boss is an avoider, think about who was an avoider in your family. If your boss is a drama queen or king, who does that remind you of?

Before you throw darts at your boss think about who he or she is as a human being. Now, if you have done your due diligence and you really can’t make changes in your work setting, by all means do something about it. However, know that if the issues lie inside you rather than in the “ogre” boss you will, and this is a guarantee; find another ogre boss in your next place of employ.

Great advice for workplace success is to go back and clear the past to free the present. Then you will be more capable of finding a perfect match for your work life, one where you will see your boss as merely another imperfect human being, one you can talk with so you can be productive and creative as part of a powerful team.

Author Bio: Dr. Sylvia Lafair, Author, Leadership Educator, Executive Coach for over 30 years is an authority on leadership and workplace relationships. She is President of Creative Energy Options, Inc. Visit http://www.ceoptions.com and http://www.sylvialafair.com.

Category: Business Management
Keywords: Business, Communication, Workplace Relationships