Is having an affair really the worst thing that a person can do? And if so how can so many people be doing it? In a recent Gallup poll, Americans cited adultery as the least morally acceptable behavior, worse than even cloning humans. But, it is an often cited statistic that up to 50% of married couples have had or are having an affair. The number is even higher for non-married cohabiting couples. If its really the worst thing that a person can do, why are so many of us doing it?

Obviously, our publicly stated feelings about our adultery do not match up with the reality. We seem to be aware of the consequences that adultery can have on our relationships, but many of us are still powerless to resist temptation. Most of believe that we should be faithful and true, but a significant percentage of us can’t live up to the expectation.

So what gives? What leads so many married people so stray? There are probably as many different reasons to cheat as their are affairs, but there are some common themes to why spouses look outside the relationship.

For those among us that seek excitement and romance in their relationships, marriage can be sorely disappointing. Sharing every aspect of your life with another person drains the novelty very quickly. Its hard to have romantic feelings about someone that you share a mortgage with. The responsibilities introduced by children can further rob your marriage of any spontaneity it once had. Marriage is not the happy ending that we were lead to believe. This leaves some spouses feeling that something is missing from their relationships. Many look elsewhere to fill the void.

Sometimes the reason for an affair is purely sex. The stress of day to day can put a damper on a couples’ sex life. Some partners find that their sexual desires change over time and are no longer in sync. Sometimes a married person is just presented with an opportunity to stray and never be caught. The simple desire to have sex with a new partner can sometimes be too much to resist.

Some spouses do not feel that their emotional needs are being met by their relationship with their partner. Perhaps they do not feel validated and appreciated. Others may feel ignored. The friendship that their marriage once provided may have waned. In these cases a married person may have an what is commonly referred to as an emotional affair.

An emotional affair may or may not include sex, but sex is not the primary reason for the affair. A person may seek the companionship and emotional intimacy their marriage is lacking outside of the relationship. These affairs can start off as casual friendships and develop into so much more. You may begin to seek counsel with someone who is not your spouse; go to them for advice, talk to them about problems with your partner, and otherwise betray the emotional boundaries that should define your marriage. These affairs can be especially dangerous.

Sometimes spouses in a failing marriage begin to look outside the relationship as a way to end it. A partner may be looking for a reason to divorce or may just be ready to move on, despite the fact that their marriage has not yet ended. This may be a way to get a reluctant spouse to agree to divorce.

Despite the fact that most of believe that having an affair is the worst thing a person can do, there are many reasons that so many spouses still cheat. The expectations on a modern marriage are very high, perhaps if we learned to adjust our assumptions, we would have fewer affairs and be less judgmental of those who succumb to the pressure.

Author Bio: Rachel Adams in an infidelity and extramarital affairs expert. Join her conversations at 100 reasons to have an affair

Category: Cheating
Keywords: affairs, emotional affair, marriage, cheat, spouse, infidelity