Handling aggression is a challenge but it something that sometimes we have to do. It is almost natural to respond by being aggressive back. You see, when someone is aggressive towards you, your emotions are pricked and it is easy to start expressing what you feel, not necessarily what you think.

When you respond to aggression by being aggressive, you are not going to diffuse the other’s person anger or solve the problem that had caused the aggressive behavior. You may out shout him and silence him but the problem will remain and will come around again in the future. What’s more is that your peace of mind is also disturbed.

The best way to handle aggression is to be assertive. But first, before you say or do anything else, count to ten and then:

1. Ask in a calm manner what is troubling the aggressor. Be clear and try to collect as much information as possible. If you cannot get any word in, let the aggressor get it out of his system. Be aware of your own body language and remember you have the right to leave the room until things cool down.

2. State clearly the position as you see it. Again in a calm manner, tell the aggressor where you stand on the issue.

3. Empathize with aggressor. Explain that you can see it from their point of view but firmly and clearly tell them the difference between what they believe and the way you feel what was actually happening. Keep your focus on what they are saying, not the way they are saying it.

4. Use diversion. Sometimes physically changing the way you sit or even asking in a calm collected voice the aggressor to sit down can take the heat of the situation. A little pause before you say anything can also help. Something changing the subject a little can also diffuse the aggressor’s anger.

5. Offer a range of solutions. This shows the aggressor that you interested in solving the issue that has disturbed him.

6. Try to lighten the situation. This is often quite difficult to do and risky. Gauge the situation, wait for the right moment to use humor. Do not use this technique when the heat is still high.

7. If aggressive behavior still persists, indicate your own beliefs and feelings. However do not cut them short. Let them talk out of being aggressive.

8. If all fails, suggest to the aggressor a cooling down period and that both of you can talk again after that.
It is important that you recognize that you cannot aggression by being passive or you losing your temper. Being assertive and in control of your own emotions is crucial. This is often difficult to do as aggressive behaviors are deemed as a threat by the body and our “fight or flight” response is activated. It is important that you are aware of your feelings at all times and keep yourself checked.

It is important that you comment about the aggressor’s position, i.e. “if you do not stop shouting at me, it will be difficult to answer your questions”. Also appeal to their past good behaviors.

Author Bio: A. Majid is interested in reaching his full potential and helping other to do the same. For more resources on self help tools, visit Self Help 101.

Category: Self Help
Keywords: aggression,aggressive, aggressor,assertive