Clark W Griswold, once a hero of many has fallen in my eyes. I know you may be thinking it is due to that terrible European Vacation movie. Yes that was a sad and painful waste of twenty dollars. However I am talking about the blatant disregard for my intelligence in Christmas Vacation. Not the whole movie, there were parts that had Oscar written all over it. Who could forget the scene where Clark opens what is thought to be his Christmas bonus… wait I have to stop I am tearing up.

No, what I am referring to is the poor attempt at using special effects in some of the movie’s best scenes. I am sure the men out there are nodding their heads in agreement. For the women, let me tell you it was not the scene with the supersonic greased sled, really how else do you think we got to the moon. Nor was it the scene with the killer squirrel. I know that this is an actual occurrence, having been attacked by one, going by the name Mr. Pickles. Of course the wife tells me it was a neighbors Yorkshire Terrier, but all I saw were fangs and rabid bloodshot eyes.

I am talking about Clark’s house, perfectly lit with festive Christmas lights. In case you don’t know, it was a fake, probably CGI(computers have no part to play in the movies unless they are trying to exterminate mankind, then I am all for them).

Let us start with the lights. Does anyone believe for a second that he puts up all of those Christmas lights and they all work… the first time. Right, like that has ever happened in the history of mankind. There are Hieroglyphics’ of Pharaoh kicking Moses for not getting his Christmas lights up right. How many times did they have to shoot that scene 20, 30, I am thinking more CGI. And did the fuse blow with all those lights plugged into one outlet. Not even the fancy LED String lights could do that, more fakery.

How about how Clark, by HIMSELF(thanks for all the help kids!) is able to put up 10,000 string lights on his house, with RELATIVES in town, THREE DAYS before Christmas. This just strains credulity, especially when you note the sub freezing temperatures combined with the use of an aluminum ladder. Hello, come back to reality even my local fire department knows for a fact that people(not just me), can get frozen to an aluminum ladder in freezing temperatures if they happen to spill their beer on themselves while putting up lights.

The temperature brings me to Clark’s Mr. Roger’s cardigan he sometimes wore while putting up his lights. The first three times I watched the movie I was fooled into thinking that Chevy Chase had a high tolerance for the cold. Then I realized that movies are made in Hollywood where it never gets below 80 degrees. When I put up lights, I look like Nanook of the North and not just because of the harpoon I carry, which is almost strictly for self defense (I know where you live Mr. Pickles). I look like that because of the layers of coats I put on over the layers of jackets and perhaps, maybe, it is the Vaseline I have my wife smear on my naked body first.

It is the temperature on this beautiful, warm, September, Colorado day that prompted me to write this. I was thinking, “I should put up my Christmas lights today so that I don’t have to freeze my butt off in December”. I then realized that sounded a lot like work. However I could write about putting up lights. I could write all about this being the perfect time of year to get those lights up. That winter is coming and to get ahead of the game. That sounded boring so I wrote about Christmas Vacation instead.

Author Bio: Peter Meredith is vice president of sales and marketing of Light Energy Designs. Five years of complete immersion in the world energy efficient lighting has given him an insider’s view of this new and ever changing technology. To see the latest in LED lights go to www.lightenergydesigns.com

Category: Home Management
Keywords: Christmas vacation, Christmas lights, LED string lights