This email was sent in by one of our readers. I’ll try to answer it to the best of my abilities and hope it helps:

Dear Doreen,

Simply put I am an attractive married woman who is only now exploring her true sexuality. In college when the other girls were experimenting with each other, I was in a serious relationship with a guy. I was interested and curious but never found myself single and free to explore.

I married young and now 10 years later I am wondering what I missed. Growing up I always thought women were attractive but somehow talked myself out of looking at that feeling any deeper. I was attracted to men and felt like that was the natural choice, so I didn’t even feel the loss of anything until much later.

Now I am not so sure about what I feel. I was finding myself attracted to women more and more as time goes on, and less and less to men, namely my husband. I was pulling away from my husband because of these feelings.

My feelings about this became so intense that I finally had to talk to my husband about it. He was all gung ho to have me invite a friend of mine to bed with us so I could experience a woman and he could enjoy the whole thing. It was magical for me. I felt so close to her. More than I’ve felt for my husband. But right after things became very weird with my husband. He wanted to do it again and I didn’t. Not that I didn’t want to call her again, I just didn’t want him to be a part of it. It’s hard to even describe this. The weird thing is I really don’t think I want to end my marriage. I don’t really know what to do anymore. Do you have any advice for me?

Valerie

Ahh Valerie,

This is a subject I have thought long and hard about many times. You are certainly not alone. I want to go over a few things you said as I think I can make sense out of a lot of this for you.

Part of what is so unique about two women making love is the intimacy. It’s a very different kind of love making then the kind you have with a man. Even women as strangers on a one night stand share a bonding for that moment that most men will never know.

Our female intimacies begin early on. As young women we talked about kissing with each other in whispers and giggles privately in our bedrooms. We practiced in front of each other, on pillows and pictures. Sometimes we even practiced on each other. We watched each other, innocently. We grew into our sexuality with our friends, sharing details and secrets. It was all very special.

I am truly very sorry that you were in a committed relationship at college when you were young and should have been meeting many different people, dating all kinds of different young men and even exploring these healthy natural curiosities with other women your age.

Let this be a lesson for those of you out there reading this and wondering. College years are supposed to be formative. You’re supposed to be forming yourself. You can’t do that if you limit yourself. This is the time to reach out your hand and try.

Getting back to you, Valerie, I do applaud that you told your husband your interest. It’s wonderful that the two of you are close enough to share things like this. And, it is also completely common that it is no longer something you want to share with him. This is a very difficult realization for many married people. You want your spouse to be your best friend, you want them to understand all your needs and you want to be able to change and grow with them.

Unfortunately, it’s very rare that this is the case. You’ve now learned this. Your husband sounds like a completely healthy normal guy. He was a friend and a husband, he was also a bit of a classic horndog and leapt at the chance for a threesome. This is of course, as expected.

But now that some time has passed you are accepting the fact that even though he didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just not something you want to share with him again. You’re realizing that even though he’s your husband, and you do no want to end that arrangement, and even though he was able to accept your curiosity, it’s just something private. Something that is yours. And Valerie that’s OK. That’s normal too.

If you want to continue to be married, but you want to explore further this attraction you have for the ladies, it may be something you should consider exploring on your own. Privately.

The problem with this is the same as it is for any other married woman looking to date. You are not single. You have some explaining to do, and you have some precautions you need to take before you enjoy a rendezvous. Gee, wouldn’t it be smart for a married dating site to offer the option of married women seeking married women. That way you’d be safe to explore the beautiful sex you can have with a woman, without having to worry about her getting serious or learning you’re married. You’d have all the benefits a dating site designed for married people has to offer. ‘Talk about having your cake and eating it too. 😉

There’s a funny old sitcom I’ve seen in rerun many times, where a certain female character is trying to convert a gay male character to come play for our team. After her attempt fails she explains in a funny scene to someone how she really only has access to the “equipment” a couple times a week. So how can she be expected to compete with people that enjoy full access to said equipment all the time.

The same is true for the ladies. Hey, we’re a little bit complicated down there. We have erogenous zones many men never even know about, let alone knowing how to find the little man in the row boat and pushing his little hat off. Your female lover will know things, will be able to do things…. that you really can’t expect a man to be able to do. The sex is amazing, and beautiful, and natural. Isn’t it?

Valerie I hope you’ve noticed I’ve never referred to you as a lesbian. I’m not suggesting you are one, but you may be wondering. My feeling on this is, what’s the difference. You’ve decided you do not want to end your marriage, so any label you decide to settle on is really a mute point. Please don’t get caught up in the titles of things. The important thing for you to know is that you are a healthy normal woman, and this urge to be with other women is something beautiful that I hope you’ll explore further.

If you find a married dating site that offers the option for married women to seek women, please write back and let me know. Until that portal exists, I’m afraid you’ll have to do the more awkward things to find women who’ll understand your situation and want to play safely and discreetly. I’d love to share it with my readers. Maybe the lady you and your husband shared that threeway experience with would want to rendezvous with you. Maybe you have some one else in mind. I say, go forth and enjoy!

Author Bio: Author Doreen Gray is an advice writer and editor.You can find more about having married affairs at Married Dating Guide.

Category: Relationships
Keywords: relationships, extramarital affairs, marriage advice, dating advice