Have you had it with your troubled teenager? Are you ready to throw up your hands and quit? Have you talked enough? Cried enough? Yelled more than enough? Taken enough disrespect from your teenager to last a lifetime?

If this sounds far too familiar, you\’re not alone. Parents who faithfully try to help troubled teenagers often feel as though they have been punished for their efforts. Doesn\’t seem right, does it? Give your best to someone you love and get rejected in the process?

Well, if this is where you\’re at, take a deep breath. Relax, if just a bit. Before you completely give up on helping your troubled teenager, take a step backward and re-evaluate with a new perspective.

A perspective of mentoring instead of changing.

What do I mean? Well, most parents are working hard at changing their children. I understand that. I have four kids of my own, three of which have already went through the teenage years. Just ask them; I have spent my fair share of time and energy trying to change them.

The truth is we cannot change anyone. Except ourselves. So let\’s change ourselves from change-ers into mentors.

Why mentors? Because mentors rely upon using their influence and influence is something that you have in abundance with your teen.

No matter what your son or daughter is saying to you, they probably wish they could listen to you more. That\’s just the way humans are wired as they are growing up. Teenagers yearn for someone they can trust and depend upon, someone who they can look up to.

Ideally, that someone is supposed to be you, Mom or Dad.

But raising kids produces emotional baggage, doesn\’t it? And not all of it pleasant. By the time our kids are teens, they know our emotional hot buttons – and, as parents, we are thoroughly invested in their potential – which means we aren\’t always very objective.

We just want them perfect. Period. We want them to listen to us, trust us and lean on us. All the while growing up to be completely mature; even without the necessary judgment or experience to do so!

Mentoring is the process of coming alongside of our teens. Not as their buddies, mind you. We need to be the leader in the relationship. So we listen to them more than we talk. We draw out their ideas on problem-solving and guide them to make better choices as opposed to jumping down their throats when they forget to do something we have asked (and asked and asked).

We behave as trustworthy guides who have their best interests at heart along with firm boundaries in place. We come from a position that if our troubled teens want to be treated as young adults, they must act like young adults, not just talk trash, pretending to be adults. Are they up to the challenge? That\’s what we press them on, encouraging our teens to prove their maturity to us.

And some of them will decide to live up to the challenge. Some will not. But at least we\’ve stopped yelling and our homes are more peaceful.

Troubled teenagers need to see how the real world works. It helps if you can show them that right from your homelife while you mentor them into adulthood.

Author Bio: Join Colleen Langenfeld at http://Loving-Our-Kids.blogspot.com and get a free behavior log plus unpack more thoughts on troubled teenagers starting today.

Category: Parenting
Keywords: troubled teenagers,troubled teenager