Google’s New Algorithm Came To Light

We were having drinks with an old buddy of mine who knows someone who has a niece that goes to the same school with the cousin of Larry Page, Google’s CEO. He gave me a page in a yellow envelope and told me that he didn’t have any use for it but maybe I could use it. On the envelope “8th X” was written with shaky hand writing. As this happened on the 8th floor of our New York City SEO office, I instantly understood that it was something about the new algorithm of Google.

When I opened the envelope, it was there, the formula all the world was dying to get and I will share it with the entire world right now. However before that I want you to read some testimonials from our satisfied customers. Did you notice the landing pages that promise the world from the first sentence but delay until the end of a very long page where it asks you for your credit card details? I can buy a Ferrari with my credit card but it doesn’t mean I won’t pay the price of the car. They talk and talk and talk about the bonuses they will give and how happy we will be once we learn their secrets. You never learn their secrets unless you give them your credit card information. Anyway, there are no testimonials (unless you want to write one and add it to the end of this page) and I don’t want your credit card details. Here is the formula I found in the envelope:

NGoocoreA (Code Name Caffeine)= (FG contemporary Score X 0.23) + (Spider L’s X 0.21) + (Net Strength Score X 0.25) – (LFA Data X 0.12) – (AA Score X 0.1) + (Manual Favors) – (Automated & Manual Hostilities) + (SEF Score X 0.15) + (LPF Score X 100)

Now the entire world knows! We are working on deciphering the meanings of abbreviations used in this formula. For example we think that SEF stands for search engine friendliness and LPF means Larry Page friendliness. As soon as we learn what all the letters and numbers mean, we will start to use this information for world peace, fighting crime and elimination of all the diseases from the face of the world. Our grandfathers and grandmothers used to scream “freedom to love” in Woodstock while our parents wanted freedom for information. This information is free, use it as you like.

Wouldn’t it be a better world if all the things I wrote until now were true? Okay there is some truth like the landing pages and our grandparents naked in Woodstock but the rest is unfortunately not true. Information is not free. And yes, if we had the formula we would sell it to the highest bidder. In New York City, SEO is not enough to make a living. Our CFO is driving a taxi at night. He is a greedy one. Me on the other hand, I give out knowledge freely in my free time, as you can see.

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Category: Internet
Keywords: New York City SEO

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