Have you ever looked back on things you have done in the past and thought you made a mistake?

That back then … the actions you took and the things you said … were not what you would have done if you knew then what you know now?

It is a natural experience for most of us … certainly for me. I have looked back at my 15 years as a doctor and – at times – felt that it was a mistake to have taken that path.

And this perspective is a mind trick. Here’s why …

In the Past … THERE NO POSSIBLE WAY you could have known then … what you know now. You didn’t know what it might cost you … or the chain of events those actions would create. And I have faith in one thing for sure …
What ever I did ( or didn’t do ) back then … I was doing the best I could at the time. The very best.

What this means is …

The part of me that looks at these past actions as a “mistake” … has two main choices

I can judge myself
OR
I can FORGIVE those actions as born from ignorance and FORGIVE MYSELF for them
Which one of these perspectives is most supportive going forward?

1) I can’t believe I did that … what a stupid thing that was … what a bozo move … what a mistake. What an asshole I am.

2) I did it. I was doing the best I could at the time. I accept full responsibility. AND I have learned something along the way. What I learned has gotten me here … where I will not make that mistake again.

I believe choice #2 is the essence of forgiveness and marks the end of my beginning. This is the only way to wipe the slate clean and move into my future with a solid foundation. This is the only way to build an upward spiral without flashbacks of self judgment and self sabotage.
AND there is one more level of forgiveness …

Can I look at others from the same perspective? Can I hold them as doing the best they could at the time … even if what they did was shitty beyond description? Can I forgive others as well … and kick my own upward spiral into gear?
A Caveat …

This is not to say that what I did at the time was the best or only choice available to me.
AND
It is not to say that I FORGET the actions of others who have hurt me in the past.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean …

– I am not responsible for my learning
– or that I don’t create boundaries with others

What it means is that I let go of any judgment, negative emotions, hurt, anger, resentment, vindictiveness, hatred, or need to get even … I let go of all of that so that I can move into my future with a clean slate.

AND if I can’t forgive myself and others … what do I gain in holding on tightly to the “mistakes” and “wrongs” of the past?
My encouragement is this …

Take a deep breath and let it go in an exhale of forgiveness. And be prepared to do that again as again as feelings of judgement and resentment come up (as they will) over and over again. Recognize judgment and resentment when they arise and bathe them in the breath of your forgiveness … AND MOVE ON.

MEET YOURSELF in that field out beyond right doing and wrong doing. That’s where your upward spiral begins.

Author Bio: Dike Drummond MD is a struggle-free midlife crisis expert. He helps people use their midlife crisis as a calling to live a more fulfilling life. Get your Midlife Crisis Quiz and FREE Report \”5 Keys to Answering the Call\” at his website 3 Hour Midlife Crisis.com

Category: Self Help
Keywords: midlife crisis,forgiveness,upward spiral,midlife transition,midlife crisis coach