Have you got an annoying fear you just can\’t shake?

Are you afraid of spiders, rats, mice, snakes, or some other insect or animal? Maybe you have the fear of personal rejection, or sales rejection. Maybe you are afraid of open spaces or confined places. Maybe you have the fear of heights, water or thunder. There are literally thousands of fears. People all over the world develop fears of all types and then struggle to shake them. Sometimes those fears develop into deliberating phobias that drastically impact that persons quality of life.

Therapists all over the world have a continuous stream of people seeking out their help to overcome a phobia or fear of one sort or another. For those fortunate people who can afford treatment the way ahead may be more optimistic. However, millions cannot afford to go to personal therapy, and spend possibly decades struggling to overcome fears that have become huge barriers to living life. This article may help some of those people gain back some control over their lives, and possibly make some inroads into rising above their fear.

To begin let\’s consider how fear begins. It is true that from the time you were born you had a predisposition to fear certain things. However these things are few and are normally the ones that enhance your survivability rather than impede it. For example you were unlikely born with a phobia for heights. Just look how keen young children are able to climb trees, and jungle gyms undeterred. They have an innate appreciation of the dangers of high places but not a fear that prevents them from exploring high places. Children seldom have a problem going up in lifts or flying in planes. Hence it stands to reason a fear of heights develops later in life.

I also know of no babies afraid of rats, mice, spiders, dogs etc. If you don\’t believe me, consider what a 9 month old child will do if you presented with a spider or mouse. He will most likely put out his hand to touch it. Children of that age have no fear of snakes for that matter. So how do they develop that fear later on?

A clue can be found by considering a somewhat dubious experiment in the 1920\’s by John Watson. He placed a little 9 month old boy, Albert, in a room with a white Rat. When the Rat approached Albert or Albert attempted to touch the Rat, Watson would frighten the child by banging a hammer against a steer bar. This he did repeatedly until Albert at the sight of the Rat got distressed without Watson making a loud bang. I won\’t go into the technicalities of the psychological terminology used to understand this acquisition of fear, except to say that most fear is created by the presentation of a stimulus (the Rat) and a trauma (the Bang). This combination or pairing causes an emotional response in the individual, like fear for example which occurred in little Albert.

So taking the case of little Albert, lets break down a couple of examples to consider how we can analyse a few common fears which are quite prevalent in the world today.

1. Fear of Spiders.

It is estimated that there are probably over 45,000 species of spiders in the world, and that number keeps growing. That\’s a huge number of ugly, creepy crawlies and one that may send shivers down many a spine. However, you may like to know that there are only about a dozen or so that are dangerous to humans. In fact more people die from bee stings or hippo attacks than from spider bites. Since nearly all spiders are harmless to humans, it would seem crazy to believe that you were wired to fear them from birth. So if you are afraid of spiders, how did you become fearful of them? What is the Rat and Bang in this example?

I would wager that you developed this fear when you were very little. It all started while watching how others reacted when they encountered spiders. You may not remember the first time you saw your mothers, sisters, grandmothers, brothers or fathers fear when they had to deal with a spider, but I wager it was a sight to remember. I can imagine lots of needless screaming and shouting. Lots of stamping around and scared people running for cover, while some poor soul was sent in to deal with the creepy crawly. You get the picture. And probably this has been the picture you have kept ever since, and I am sure you have had many opportunities to reinforce that picture over the years with the many other spider encounters you have had.

So instead of a Rat you have a spider to deal with and instead of a Bang you have had a lot of commotion produced by others which has created the feared emotional response. Your fear is based on your observation of others and not on reality. It is what we call an Irrational Fear as its not based on truth and causes a self-defeating response.

Let\’s take a look at another example.

2. The Fear of Rejection

I hope you can agree with me that rejection is not fatal, and I highly doubt you were born with a predisposition to fear rejection. However many people fear it and are negatively affected by its consequences as it causes them to not approach others in fear they might be rejected. A man might not approach a woman in fear she will reject him, a salesman may not phone a prospect in fear he will be told \’no\’ and thus feel rejected. The possibility of rejection creates fear in many people that leaves them in a state of inaction. They don\’t actually have to do anything, the mere thought of rejection is enough to cause inaction.

So the Rat in this instance is the \’appearance of a person, or a thought about a person or possibly a prospect you want to contact\’ and the Bang is the \’thinking\’ that creates the fear response. In this instance the thinking going on in the persons head is the responsible for the fear that is invoked. As a result the person runs from the situation and fails to take action. The trauma is the painful imagined rejection experience. Your imagination is a very powerful force and can influence your behaviour quite substantially. Once again, this fear is based on what you are telling yourself and not on reality. In realty, rejection of the type described above will not end in an awful painful experience. The pain is imagined and not based on fact, hence it is also irrational and self-defeating.

The conclusion of the matter is that most fears are not based in reality, but is based in faulty thinking. The outcome, however, is always some sort of self-defeating behaviour. For example behaviours like running, hiding or cowering from an ordinary life experience. The emotional response of fear does not equal the danger presented. It is usually exaggerated fear that is out of proportion to the thing that cased it. If I see a Lion coming at me and then run away as fast as my legs can carry me, that is rational. But if I see a small spider and run away screaming, then that is irrational. The point of it all is to take a serious look at the way you are responding to stimuli, like spiders and mice. Identify what the Rat and Bang are and what the emotional consequence is in your situation. If your behaviour fails the reality test, you have found an area that needs to change. The next step is to take the action that helps you to change. This is the subject of another article.

Are You Ready For Change – then Download a Free Ebook called \”The ABC Method of Overcoming Rejection\”. Author David Barton can help you overcome problems like the Fear of Rejection. He enjoys teaching people to think differently about their problems and achieve a better quality of life. He lives in new Zealand, is married and has three children. When not working, he enjoys an active sport life, playing music and spending time with his family.

Are You Ready For Change – then Download a Free Ebook called \”The ABC Method of Overcoming Rejection\” from http://www.yourfearofrejection.com. Author David Barton can help you overcome problems like the Fear of Rejection. He enjoys teaching people to think differently about their problems and achieve a better quality of life.He lives in new Zealand, is married and has three children. When not working, he enjoys an active sport life, playing music and spending time with his family.

Author Bio: Are You Ready For Change – then Download a Free Ebook called \”The ABC Method of Overcoming Rejection\”. Author David Barton can help you overcome problems like the Fear of Rejection. He enjoys teaching people to think differently about their problems and achieve a better quality of life. He lives in new Zealand, is married and has three children. When not working, he enjoys an active sport life, playing music and spending time with his family.

Category: Advice
Keywords: spiders, rejection, sales rejection, little albert, John Watson, phobia, rats, mice, thinking, irrat