Here are some sobering facts about the journey to parenthood:

* 1-in-8 babies arrive too soon. A full term pregnancy is when the baby is born between 37 to 41 weeks of gestation. Babies born before this time may suffer issues including: inability or difficulty breathing on their own (respiratory distress syndrome), feeding and growth problems, bleeding into the brain, an eye disease which can cause blindness (retinopathy of prematurity), neurologic disabilities, or hearing problems.

* During 2012, nearly one million expectant mothers will be placed on bed rest — for their health and for the health of their babies.

* The U.S. ranks a poor No. 46 in infant mortality (worst than most other developed nations).

* Added anxiety and worry can be a real threat to any new mom and her unborn child.

A high-risk pregnancy is a time of enormous stress, fear, unknowns, even isolation, depression, and a disruption of your entire life. If you or someone you love is facing a high-risk pregnancy (there are millions of families affected every year), and ordered to bed rest or limited activity OR if the baby is at risk of coming early, you’ll want to hear this advice and information.

Managing During a Difficult Pregnancy… Here are some tips to navigate and also enjoy baby prep time, under any circumstances:

–Be willing to lower your standards and take it easy! Don’t worry about dirty toilets, or whether the dining room furniture has been dusted lately, or if all the dishes are done.

–Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Take time to enjoy the little things and your expanding belly.

–Maybe you love your culinary skills, but at this time it’s OK to consider prepackaged foods and ordering-in.

–If doc’s orders are bed rest, don’t cheat. Stick to shopping, paying bills and “running errands” online.

–Make time for each other. Just because you’re on ‘pelvic rest’, get creative and get intimate with daddy-to-be. Take time to be together. Ladies, prego is sexy.

–Don’t slack on you. Get dressed, do your make up and fix your hair. Even if you feel down in the dumps, looking your best can help trick you into a better frame of mind.

–Pay attention to your body and don’t feel bad about calling your doctor to ask questions. You are doing the most important “job” of your life: baking that baby!

–Feeling blue? Remember you’re not alone. There is hope and I want women to know they can and will get through this.

–Ask and you shall receive. Most other people — from your workplace, your neighbors, in your own family — have no idea what it’s like to be going through this, and they’re busy. But be sure to ask for help. Ask for support. Ask for company.

–Reach out to others who HAVE been in your shoes or who are dealing with a pregnancy concern right now. One place is via Sidelines National High Risk Pregnancy Support Network (just do an Internet search for them). They will match you up with a mom-buddy who has been there!

–Let yourself have “down” days. It’s OK to be upset, to cry, to even mourn the loss of your dream of having a “perfect” pregnancy. Go ahead… get upset, yell, cry, and freak out. Get it all out of your system. Then move on so you can focus on staying positive and hopeful.

–Immerse yourself in things to keep your mind off the hard stuff. (This may mean watching silly, unintelligent comedies in order to get a few laughs.)

–Let go of any guilt. Stress will not help you or the baby growing inside!

–Tell yourself this is but a small slice of your life. I know it seems like an eternity, but things will get better. If things get worse, seek help from others you trust and feel comfortable with. That can be a counselor, a loved one, even a stranger you meet in social networking.

–All this will be overwhelming: educating yourself on all the medical information, preparing for the possibility of a premature child, and managing fear, stress, depression, isolation, sadness, loneliness. The most important advice I have is, YOU MUST TRY TO ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY. You deserve the right to pull all the joy that you can from this experience. From feeling those little kicks or hiccups, to watching your body change and grow. This may seem like an odd request, but trust me, I’ve been there and I’ve regretted not taking any time to enjoy the wonders of pregnancy –even when we were unsure of the future.

When Your Pregnancy is Not Perfect — a Real Story

It’s difficult to talk about it. But, sadly, bad things happen during pregnancy. Sometimes babies come too early and start life very sick. Some even die. Since people avoid talking about such things, going through a difficult pregnancy (when you know your child may be born premature) — or if the child might not make it — can be very isolating. It can very often lead to depression.

During my first pregnancy, the thought of being depressed in what I considered a joyous event, couldn’t have been further from my mind. Even with the nausea, lack of appetite and unflattering changes in my shape, I happily chugged along until my world crashed down around 22 weeks. At this time, I ended up in the hospital and a week later my boy was induced to be born and died shortly after birth, too small to survive.

Fast forward to my next pregnancy about 5 months later, which we approached very differently. The excitement and the need to shout “our condition” from the rooftops was replaced with silence, fear and loads of stress. By 16 weeks, off to bed rest I went, uncertain if there was going to be a future with a baby in it. By 20 weeks, the noose tightened as my cervix shrank even more. Surgery was then my only hope. From this time, I entered a deep state of depression. I questioned why I even wanted to go through this in the first place. I questioned my resolve to have a child. I cried every day, out of sadness for my son and in fear for the baby girl growing inside, who was still too small to survive. I cried from isolation, loneliness, self pity at the situation I found myself in. It seemed that my family and friends had forgotten about me wasting away. I was a prisoner on my couch. Of course my relationships suffered, and my husband and I fought. I sealed myself off from the world, bitter and feeling very much alone.

As a scientist, I recognized that I needed to explore my feelings, and I wanted to better understand the issues surrounding preterm birth. I also wanted to help others so they wouldn’t have to feel and experience the fear and uncertainty that I had. Nearly eight years later, the lingering scars from my pregnancy experiences are still there, but I can easily say “It was all worth it!” I have two wonderful kids ages 7 and 3, and an angel in my heart.

I gathered information, researched the research, and worked with a foremost perinatologist and preterm birth researcher, Dr. Vincenzo Berghella. The book is a medical and emotional guide for families and doctors who work with high-risk women. Now I am also a trained birth doula who enjoys working with all types of families during their journey to reach parenthood.

More Advice

Are you struggling to get answers from your doctor? Get a second opinion! Your medical team should be there for you, to explain what to expect during and after pregnancy, as well as to provide support during this difficult time. If doc isn’t meeting your needs, move on. Be an advocate for yourself and your baby. But remember, it’s important to NOT go around reading about every possible scenario or condition out there. Become knowledgeable about your situation/condition only to minimize additional stress and fear. Hang in there ladies!

Scientist Kelly Whitehead lost a son at 23 weeks. Two high-risk pregnancies later, she has two healthy children and helps families as a birth doula, spokesperson for Sidelines Pregnancy Support, and author of HIGH RISK-PREGNANCY-Why Me?; 973-650-3443; kwhitehead101@gmail.com; http://www.hrpwhyme.com

Scientist Kelly Whitehead lost a son at 23 weeks. Two high-risk pregnancies later, she has two healthy children and helps families as a birth doula, spokesperson for Sidelines Pregnancy Support, and author of HIGH RISK-PREGNANCY-Why Me?; 973-650-3443; kwhitehead101@gmail.com; http://www.hrpwhyme.com

Author Bio: Scientist Kelly Whitehead lost a son at 23 weeks. Two high-risk pregnancies later, she has two healthy children and helps families as a birth doula, spokesperson for Sidelines Pregnancy Support, and author of HIGH RISK-PREGNANCY-Why Me?; 973-650-3443; kwhitehead101@gmail.com; http://www.hrpwhyme.com

Category: Womens Interest
Keywords: High-Risk Pregnancy, Pre-Term Birth, Premature Baby, Pre-Term Labor, Pregnancy Bed Rest, pregnancy