Only 16.5% said their parents taught their children good pressure

“My mother in the eyes of independence that they will cook their own laundry!” A key university sophomore Xiaolong said that his tutors are very strict, from primary to high school, he is not doing their homework after school is reading, in order not to let him go out to play, the mother would bring him a man locked in the house. Xiao-long junior high, some mathematical puzzles, and very interested in foreign literature, but the mother said: “look at those useless, the most important is to study well.”

Mother does not give Xiaolong pocket money, “the simple reason that there is anything said to her on the trip. But on the other hand, she said, to train my self, always let me do housework.” After college, Xiaolong began to realize that, killing the mother culture of his independent spirit and initiative, “felt a sudden change from the days of the idiots. University of the lack of effective supervision, and has been controlled by my mother, to no extreme pressure environment, become very undisciplined. ”

Xiao-long into the first university examination results in the class of medium level, “To this end, my mother yelled at me, want to force me to learn the old ways. I can not accept her way of growing up. We now a call to fight, for example I think photoshop quite interesting, and began to learn some computer software knowledge, but she thought it was worthless. ”

“I have not gone to college, so we know how important knowledge.” Xiaolong’s mother, Ms Poon in view, the present competitive society, the family has no ability to pave the way for his son, so the children themselves must do our best, “he is only good grades into a good university, must now learn professional knowledge. but he always wanted to play the computer, how to find a good job later? too blame it! ”

She has on the ability of independent living training Xiaolong has been proud of, “cooking, washing these basic life skills he has mastered. I always am proud to tell my colleagues, friends say, what my son would do, it is independent. ”

The survey shows nearly forty percent of youth (38.8%) feel that the parents too much control inhibits the development of their children’s individuality; 15.6% of people think that parents control their children’s approach is very outdated and antiquated. Meanwhile, 43.0% thought that parents experience and judgments are often right, it should listen to; only 16.5% said their parents put pressure on their children’s talent is good.

“In my family my father always criticized me for not doing well, my mother praising me anything good.” Renmin University of China research for a student Lee Wai (alias) of conflicts between the child and parents is to ignore their parents, “grew up the parents were for me to understand, it’s just way out of question. If there are conflicts, I coax them, not a direct conflict with them. graduate school, I talk with my father more, I say I Great, I hope he understands, Do not control me so much. communicate more, he changed his mind, the basic care of me. ”

Conflicts between parents and how to handle? Survey, 68.0% choosing “good communication with their parents”, 42.2% of the people “and friends to talk”, and 26.7% of the people “own simmering.” The next in the order of: to tell relatives (17.3%), Internet for support (14.0%), to teachers, psychologists seek help (11.8%), etc..

“These are the consequences of not listening to my words”

“I know my father is the starting point for me is good, but I do not like to impose his experience.” Wuhan, a media Ling-Ling Chou (his real name) has been working the issue and father differences, “he does not want me to do reporter, I feel tired, people exposed to too complicated, and sometimes very dangerous. He wanted me to do the civil service or to state-owned enterprises. I work more than a year, he did not dig my little in my career trough, he will not comfort I. Now, no matter how much I encountered difficulties, by how much aggrieved, I will not telling him. ”

However, Ling-Ling Chou’s father, a middle school teacher Zhou Jianbo Wuhan (a pseudonym) appears, the girls should have a more stable career, after all, missing nothing at home, without her so hard, the best early marriage and children. “She did not leave the work, income-generating livelihoods were not many, it is always a bad mood. I would rather it not been her understanding that she will not want to bad passes, in turn, blame me.”

So her daughter insisted, Zhou Jianbo also very contradictory. “She said sometimes encounter something called a bad deal, I am actually very distressed, anxious, but in the end will not help scolded her, saying these are the consequences of not listening to my words.” While the lips then said, but Zhou Jianbo Now the first thing to get up every day, surfing the Internet to see what her daughter wrote a manuscript, if that a word with the wrong, but also to carefully check the Ci Hai. But he dared not let her know, because he expected her change of heart, change jobs.

“Young parents do not feel enlightened. Did not think I became a child’s eyes the old pedantic.” Zhou Jianbo, said his daughter, after all, less life experience, there are many things that will surprise, “I want to help her plan the road, she had have a lighter. She grew up taking more obedient, why work of this important matter but not listen to me? I really can not see. ”

The survey, 60.5% of people understand their parents control their children’s starting point is the love of their children; 53.1% of people think that children should understand their parents pains.

New Tong Peking University Professor of Sociology, told China Youth Daily reporter pointed out that there are contradictions in normal children and their parents, but in “80 after” children and “after 50” is even more marked between the parents.

“This is because the rapid social changes of today’s highlights intergenerational conflict.” Tong new that many young people to think Fumu their life experiences through their own accumulated experiences and values of society, in the market economy has become less relevant . The change in all aspects of social life, perhaps not fully aware of their parents, children are already well aware. They prefer the new social conditions, technological background and knowledge in their search for growth. Long-term between parents and children formed the “order”, but also make it difficult to adapt to their children parents need to proceed to realize the independence of the transformation of education.

“Another reason could be the unintended consequences of one-child policy.” Tong Xin that “only a good” let the parents take great care costs, not only an economic investment, even more important is the psychological input. Parents were too afraid of their children taking the wrong path, so I always hope that a life of their children each critical control point.

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Category: Family Concerns
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