You’re probably very tired of all of it.

The lying.

The back talk.

The constant disrespect.

The phone rings and you wonder what he’s done now. Is it the school again reporting another problem about him? Or is it the police this time? Has he really gone too far?

You remember when she was your little sweetheart. So innocent. So loving. Those memories seem like a million years ago. The daughter living with you now is unpredictable. And mean-spirited. No matter how hard you try to please her, she laughs in your face. Or worse yet. She cusses at you.

You feel old. Tired. Defeated.

Stop! Out of control teens do not have to ruin your homelife. There are important steps you can take to gain control of your family again.

But I won’t kid you. If you can see yourself in the words above, you have some work ahead of you.

On the other hand, living with an out of control teenager is far more work than taking the necessary steps to fix it!

Step #1 – Take Back Control

Out of control teens love to keep their families’ off guard. To stay one step ahead of everyone. But that’s not how effective families work best.

Mom or Dad, step back and take a hard look at your family. Write down what you see; the positives and the challenges (be honest – you will find both!).

Think about what you want for your family longterm. What kind of adults do you want to raise? What were your dreams for your family when you were just starting out?

Compare raising your child to traveling to a new and exciting destination. To get from Point A to Point B you will use a map, designing a route that makes sense from an efficiency point of view and yet also filled with the scenic beauty of the trip.

You will plan stops to savor the experience and also plan ahead for possible problems.

In other words…

Step #2 – Create a Strategic Family Plan

Do a “road map” for your family’s life together. Of course, there will be detours and that’s fine! The point is that when you decide on a purpose for your family, all of your actions in parenting will fall into line with your parenting goals.

Want your kids to be respectful? Then you will intentionally create an environment where respect is a priority.

For example,

– no disrespectful television, movies, music, etc. will be allowed in your home.

– you will model respect for yourself, your partner and your children so your kids know what you expect and how to accomplish it.

– The quest for respect will determine your daily family activities.

It may mean you choose family dinners over extra curricular activities on a regular basis.

It may mean you choose to find a healthy place to worship together as a family, so that you can draw support from other respectful families.

It may mean you practice laying down the newspaper each night – even when you’re tired – to listen – with undivided attention – to a teenager needing to vent. In fact, you’ll want to seek out your teen for long periods of unhurried conversation because building a close, strong relationship causes respect to skyrocket naturally.

Does this make sense?

Of course, the immediate question to this course of action is can it help with an out of control teen?

The answer is both yes and no.

You can’t go back and change the past. You already know that. However, even if behaviors have escalated in your home, you probably have more influence than you think. So use it wisely. If your teen responds to your efforts, that will be wonderful beyond words.

But if she will not respond with respect despite your best efforts, then at least you know you have planted excellent seeds in her young life. She has seen how someone can make a positive change and stick with it. How sowing well reaps a full harvest.

Really, as parents, that’s all we ever do. There are no guarantees in parenting. Just the adventure. No matter who we are, we’re all learning; all works in progress.

Letting your out of control teenager see that can be a powerful statement to him about the way human life truly works.

So take a step back, Mom or Dad. Take stock of your family. See your family’s strengths as well as weaknesses. Be honest with your assessment so that you can make a plan to move forward and make things better, not only for your teen but for the entire family.

And take it one step at a time.

Author Bio: Colleen Langenfeld has raised 4 kids and can help you enjoy your mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com . Do you know your teen as well as you would like? Get a free report on reconnecting with your kids plus grab more strategies on helping out of control teens today.

Category: Parenting
Keywords: out of control teens,out of control teenagers,control teens,control teenager