Remember that “I” voice in your head that says “I wouldn’t do that?” That’s your ego, reinforcing your identity, and he’s a tough case.

Your ego can drive you to greatness; listen to enough Kanye West lyrics, and you start to think that he wasn’t born a better rapper/producer/entertainer than everyone else, his ego just pushed him to work harder until he became better. His self-conception was so great that, whenever it was assaulted by someone telling him he couldn’t do something or become something, he worked so hard at it that he became the best. That’s what Kanye’s lyrics would lead us to believe. Or maybe, as some of his interviews and his cameo on South Park would support, he is a genius who likes gay fish. Who knows?

When your ego isn’t driving you to greatness, it’s usually holding you back from the simplest little actions. All those “I would never…” moments, your ego is getting in the way and stopping you from doing something that might cause embarrassment, or even worse, it’s preventing you from conceding that you were wrong about something.

Christian always tells the story of when he was a punk rocker in high school, and said he’d never listen to Dave Matthews Band. He associated DMB with the “popular” kids who wore Birkenstocks, drank, and partied. In his mind, those kids and their clique were losers. Of course, he now concedes that he simply didn’t know how to fit in and get along with them, and that rejection of their scene and everything in it was a defense mechanism. In fact, he’s a big Dave Matthews fan these days.

So what are your DMB’s? What are the things you’d never do, never say?

The boundaries for what you can get away with – especially in the context of meeting, dating, getting sexual with women and trying to attract women – are a lot further out there than you’d expect, and when you really tap into what you want and who you are, and say “damn the torpedoes” to that voice in your head telling you that you can’t, some amazing things can happen.

Now with that said, that voice is there to protect you. Some of the things that your ego tells you not to do are probably in your best interest not to pursue.

One saddening trend that I’ve seen in the pickup community is the value placed on doing “out there” behaviors merely for the sake of dong them. A guy will act in all sorts of strange ways to show the other guys how hardcore he is, and just how little he gives a damn what others think about him. It’s just like the punk rock community – big middle fingers and bad haircuts to “the man” that’s been holding them down for so long (or in the case of the Cult of PUA – the women).

Clearly, that’s no way to go either. Those ego impulses, which we can broadly group as “try-hard-ism,” manifest themselves in other ways – bragging about how many “sets” a guy opened, the hotness of a girl who’s number he got, how many women he can get, and all sorts of other things that guys who actually do well with women don’t talk about… because it’s just assumed between them. There’s not need to prove anything – to each other, to their egos, to anyone. Life is abundant and they get women. That’s how the cool kids roll.

Ok, sometimes we brag about how hot some girl was… but we rarely go so far as to kiss and tell.

Along those lines, one of the unfortunate aspects of being marketed as a dating coach is that having lots of photos with hot girls is a sort of credential, a metric of one’s own personal success. So now there are all these guys running around with the idea that getting photos with hot girls is some kind of benchmark. It’s kiss and tell for a facebook generation, and it threatens to put the focus on the wrong things.

Amongst men who get it, no one cares how many photos you get with hot girls, unless you’re sleeping with a lot of girls and get women.

And we only care then, if that’s what you really want. If you want a girlfriend but are sleeping with lots of girls because you have commitment issues, well…

Some people would call that a “rich man’s problem”, but what real men want for their friends is that they be living in accordance with what they want for themselves.
Not what their egos want.

Now look – I’ll concede that it’s cool to do the models and bottles thing. If you’ve never been surrounded by five 9’s at a nightclub while the DJ spins songs by Akon about being “so paid”, if you’ve never pulled a stripper, if you’ve never done any of the things that you secretly deep down would really like to try, then no one who you could truly count as a good friend is going to cast you into the fray for going out and trying to be someone else for a bit. If you try it and you decide it’s not for you, great… your curiosity has been satiated.

But if you genuinely enjoy that which your ego secretly (or not so secretly) wanted for itself, that’s equally great. Not only have you evolved and started living more in alignment with what’s right for you – even if it is strippers, asian massage parlors, and other such self-indulgent pursuits – but you probably averted what would have been a pretty nasty mid-life crisis.

The point in all this, where the rubber meets the road, is here: becoming a man with a sexually abundant life might mean making some changes to the way you think, the way you behave, the way you live… and hopefully nothing too drastic. The more open you are to trying anything and seeing what gets you results, the sooner you’ll consistently be getting the results you want. You’ll learn firsthand what works, and behaviors that once seemed forced and required conscious thought will become unconscious instinct.

You don’t have to try this stuff with friends and at family reunions. But when you walk into a bar two towns over where you’re not planning on seeing anyone ever again, all bets are off.

In this way, it’s important to have an “open dialogue” with your ego. Concede to it that you might be doing some things that make it uncomfortable, but that you’ll always reflect on them, why you’re doing them, and that you’ll see if they’re getting you towards your goals. The social calibration and insight that comes with hundreds of random conversations with strangers is something that can’t be bought, and the confidence and behavioral change that accompanies it all is the reward for stepping out beyond your ego’s short term interests.

Most importantly, these new behaviors and beliefs will be the result of real effort on your part, and consequently, a genuine transformation, based on your real experiences and evolving identity. The people you know from back in the day won’t think you’re acting weird or anything – they’ll just notice a newfound confidence and assertiveness, and probably a few more women hanging out around your place and you will be able to attract women.

Isn’t that why we’re here to begin with? Because you want a sexually abundant life and get women? Tell your ego, right now, that you have a goal in mind, and that nothing – not even the voice in your head saying “I can’t” – is going to stop you.

Author Bio: Nick Sparks is one New York City’s top personal development and dating advice coaches, specializing in teaching guys how to pick up women. The original article can be found here: Getting Your Ego Out Of It.

Category: Self Help
Keywords: ego, meeting women, get women, attract women