When somebody hurts you, it is natural to feel angry, upset, and betrayed. These emotions are normal and play an important role in the healing process. But at some point, it is important that we let go of these negative emotions and continue healing. With each injury we take, we eventually come to a point where we must decide between forgiveness and resentment. At first, it may seem easier to choose resentment. It is what our pride and anger want us to do: just keep hating that person who hurt us. But, in fact, the road of resentment is much longer and harder than the path of forgiveness. This is because when we choose resentment, we carry those negative emotions with us. We carry the hate, the jealousy, the pain. We are reminded of the injury each time these emotions surge, and when we choose resentment, these emotions are always surging. These negative emotions are a huge burden on our hearts and minds. Imagine each grudge as a large stone, one we carry for an ex-friend, one for a child\’s teacher, a large one for an old lover, all of these burdens weigh us down.

Why Choose the Road of Forgiveness?

When we choose to forgive someone (I say choose because it requires conscious effort at first), we are making a decision to let go of the emotional baggage associated with the hurtful event. We are releasing ourselves from the emotional purgatory of regret. We allow ourselves to move beyond the pain. We look toward the sunrises of a brighter tomorrow. Forgiveness can, in fact, be a selfish act. Too often, people confuse forgiveness with something that offenders seek to find. But, in reality, many people who hurt others do so intentionally and with malice in their hearts. They do not seek your forgiveness because they knowingly hurt you, perhaps to their glee. Not everyone is pure of heart. But when you choose to resent such a person, you are adding weight to their actions. You are increasing their power. You are giving them control over your emotions. When we forgive them we take back control of our feelings.

Once an old man and his grandson were traveling to the next town when they ran into a rich woman. She was stopped at a puddle, unwilling to cross it for fear that she might muddy her expensive garments. The old man offered her his back, and he crossed through the puddle with her, muddying his own clothes in the process. When he reached the other side, he put her down, and she continued on her way without even a nod of appreciation for the old man\’s efforts. The old man and his grandson continued their journey. As they approached their destination. That grandson asked his grandfather, \”Doesn\’t it make you upset that she didn\’t even say \’thank you\’?\” The old man replied, \”I put her down twenty minutes ago. Why do you continue to carry her?\”

The hurt that others may cause us is minor when compared with the pain that we cause ourselves.

Author Bio: Learn more about forgiveness at McHenry County Counseling. Dan Blair is a trusted Woodstock counselor.

Category: Relationships
Keywords: forgiveness, forgiving, how to forgive